5 Word Summaries

  1. Fish makes a sad realization.
  2. Cat grows a human face.
  3. Sadistic woman lobotomizes a pumpkin.
  4. Horse’s son visited by tragedy.
  5. Girl will soon be devoured.
  6. Boy has excessively vindictive parents.
  7. Mother sexually assaulted by son.
  8. Barren woman gets a job.
  9. Man pushed to his death.
  10. Boy accidentally sees spiders copulating.
  11. Muscular chicken causes man despair.
  12. Pun made in dire situation.
  13. Man blinded by postmodern comic.
  14. Fish suffers from pyrotechnic hallucinations.
  15. Invisible man molested by compatriot.
  16. Magical genie becomes overly clingy.
  17. Robber shot due to deception.
  18. Villagers use magician as kindling.
  19. Man, pregnant Hitler attend funeral.
  20. Victim of time travel kills.
  21. Stop sign leads sad life.
  22. Man killed by misleading labeling.
  23. Crime rampant, even between skeletons.
  24. Man foresees some ocular discomfort.
  25. Rainbow is abused, urinated upon.
  26. Conventional diagonal split protocol subverted.
  27. Fish contemplates his own death.
  28. Bear has a drug addiction.
  29. Criminal hides in police lineup.
  30. Ghost, robot have sad existence.
  31. Soap borrowed at inopportune time.
  32. Baby mermaid killer jealously observes.
  33. Deviant son confesses to parents.
  34. Lonely man fights off despair.
  35. Stoic man shot with arrow.
  36. The cheeseburger is a whore.
  37. Maritime monstrosity surfaces in bathtub.
  38. Relationship not rekindled; irreconcilable differences.
  39. Man plays God, creates friend.
  40. Fish has overly aggressive response.
  41. Man responsible for nuclear holocaust.
  42. Life ended by comic writer.
  43. Neglectful father emotionally wounds son.
  44. Child gives his friend cancer.
  45. Group has mixed coping mechanisms.
  46. War prolonged by heartless leader.
  47. Man smothers children with pillow.
  48. Child groomed for obscure career.
  49. Fish wonders about his sexuality.
  50. Man kills with no repercussions.
  51. Child frolics in toxic waste.
  52. Man makes his pancakes sad.
  53. Ghost drinks away his sorrows.
  54. Mentally damaged man acts unconventionally.
  55. Boy with cancer destroys city.
  56. Dog supplies alcohol to teenagers.
  57. Communication error leads to embarrassment.
  58. Man repents for killing friend.
  59. Boy happily consumes live beetles.
  60. Fish’s basketball dreams are crushed.
  61. Hamlet’s father murdered by ghost.
  62. Boy harnesses masturbation for profit.
  63. Man pushes button, loses hope.
  64. British soldiers kill innocent poolgoers.
  65. Vandal defaces property; not punished.
  66. Prison rape trivialized with pun.
  67. Boy remains comatose; parents grieve.
  68. Volunteer leaves woman to die.
  69. Father frames son for crime.
  70. Office worker loses his vision.
  71. Bear kills creator, feels remorse.
  72. Recent graduate faces financial trouble.
  73. Busty student uncovers ancient secret.
  74. Ants feed on insane man.
  75. Plant kills his only friends.
  76. Man wants to eat fetus.
  77. Deceased ancestors await boy’s death.
  78. Fish commits murder for telephone.
  79. Suicidal fish talks to boy.
  80. Fish, feces flushed down toilet.
  81. Robot dies due to decadence.
  82. Child questions tradition; gets beaten.
  83. Bees feel doubt, commit murder.
  84. Boyfriend causes death of girlfriend.
  85. Strip club caters to necrophiliacs.
  86. Woman weeps, missing her father.
  87. Isaac Newton ends his life.
  88. Fish encounters pollution, medical waste.
  89. Fish judges shark on reputation.
  90. Genie condemned to further imprisonment.
  91. Father loses track of time.
  92. Scientist dies, goes to hell.
  93. The Olympics go unwatched twice.
  94. Deceased’s friends resent being pallbearers.
  95. Known rapist operates a restaurant.
  96. Reptile introduces boy to drugs.
  97. Father mercilessly mutilates his daughter.
  98. Doctor worsens his patient’s condition.
  99. Girl has many sex partners.
  100. Woman is raped by robot.
  101. Man ruins a potential relationship.
  102. High surgeon makes bad decision.
  103. Suicidal man wears bear costume.
  104. The Devil commits harmless prank.
  105. Apocalypse caused by indifferent click.
  106. Fish spends his birthday alone.
  107. Hero eats while man chokes.
  108. Clown abducts and murders children.
  109. Ghost becomes aroused by voyeurism.
  110. Destitute men imprisoned for assault.
  111. Zoophilia leads to jail time.
  112. Boy crushed by own finger.
  113. Marketer exploits disease for profit.
  114. Man commits homicide; audience watches.
  115. Zombie welcomed as a hero.
  116. Boy dehumanized by his father.
  117. Human nature unchanged by adversity.
  118. Girl loses virginity; socially ostracized.
  119. Prejudiced teacher emotionally scars twins.
  120. Valuable resources wasted on butts.
  121. Innocent boy killed by apples.
  122. Turtle observes fish commit cannibalism.
  123. Nature destroyed by urban sprawl.
  124. Man drugs and rapes cousin.
  125. Boy kills, buries benevolent extraterrestrial.
  126. Fish irreversibly maim man’s urethra.
  127. Legless cavemen appreciate fine art.
  128. Man very committed to job.
  129. Another worker replaced by robots.
  130. Man hides his bird fetish.
  131. Man kills friends with beer.
  132. Scrooge dials Ghostbusters; genres collide.
  133. Hobo lives the American dream.
  134. Woman causes Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
  135. Boy buries six cats alive.
  136. Snake and mice get digested.
  137. Father watches son have sex.
  138. Unfortunate name causes poor sales.
  139. Cops take a passive approach.
  140. Kidnaper’s incompetence matched by police’s.
  141. Boy abused for being different.
  142. Hopeful girl spurned by student.
  143. Insane, bearded man drives illegally.
  144. Urinating boy finds a surprise.
  145. A clown will be pistol-whipped.
  146. Man has jarring internal crisis.
  147. Teacher fails to educate properly.
  148. Costume enthusiast shot by teenagers.
  149. Zombie writes a personal ad.
  150. Child’s wish animates a dildo.
  151. Struggling author searches for inspiration.
  152. Boy presented with a Catch-22.
  153. Man mutilates corpse during funeral.
  154. A safe has medical issues.
  155. Musician tragically confuses gun, saxophone.
  156. Boy shows poor audience etiquette.
  157. Mentally unstable boss threatens coworker.
  158. Boys reluctantly visit a brothel.
  159. Man not sexist, just delusional.
  160. Boy fantasizes about rough sex.
  161. Drug addict confesses his crimes.
  162. Boys kill at father’s request.
  163. Nerds will never get laid.
  164. Child asphyxiated by his companion.
  165. Teacher physically abuses his student.
  166. Gorilla drowns; scientific progress hampered.
  167. Horny ghost uses his friends.
  168. Girl starts to develop pyromania.
  169. Hundreds die; man wins soda.
  170. Implications of Godless world sobering.
  171. Soldier seeks forgiveness, finds death.
  172. Capitalistic greed causes unnecessary deaths.
  173. Children frozen alive by psychopath.
  174. Parents leave son to die.
  175. Carnie reminds man of loss.
  176. Father confesses infidelity to son.
  177. Woman misunderstands request, severs head.
  178. Youth hoist by own petard.
  179. Guns make everything much easier.
  180. Husband gets bad anniversary gift.
  181. Children’s folly leaves family homeless.
  182. The moon must be haunted.
  183. Son endangers father, shocks teacher.
  184. Flirting has some unintended consequences.
  185. Homeless man lies about motives.
  186. Evolution works in mysterious ways.
  187. Man with fetish tricks wife.
  188. Dessert: harbinger of depressing news.
  189. Man finds his work unfulfilling.
  190. Man castrates son, earns nickname.
  191. Human nature: sex and destruction.
  192. Crowd irrationally excited over nothing.
  193. Six years, gone to waste.
  194. Innocent boy framed by cops.
  195. Drunken Puritans embarrass their friend.
  196. Man fails, even at suicide.
  197. Man insensitive to mourners’ grief.
  198. Dirty politics destroy a friendship.
  199. Man litters with human heart.
  200. Boy loses his best friend.
  201. Man drowns due to pyrotechnics.
  202. Wife murders husband, other man.
  203. Coworker exposed as a cannibal.
  204. Cashier tries out social Darwinism.
  205. Television show causes plane crash.
  206. Rookie cop experiences killer’s remorse.
  207. Police brutality: a reoccurring theme.
  208. Woman almost swallows wedding ring.
  209. Inept locksmith shows self-defeating tendencies.
  210. Fish spends another birthday alone.
  211. Mother condemns son to hell.
  212. Teacher provides misinformation about copulation.
  213. The drycleaning shan’t be neglected.
  214. Education is a fruitless endeavor.

215. Dead hamster makes boy obese.
216. Folksiness can’t stave off death.
217. Greedy politician killed by supervillain.
218. Hero kills friendly, dangerous beast.
219. Gadget maker provides mixed results.
220. Homicide: how to make friends.
221. Anthropomorphized house vomits from liquor.
222. Accident successfully framed as suicide.
223. False hope for slovenly man.
224. Sentient animals killed and eaten.
225. Woman reveals her loneliness aloud.
226. Man no longer trusts friends.
227. Former cops commit armed homicide.
228. Holidays celebrated simultaneously; sad childhood.
229. Man urged to masturbate publicly.
230. Bitter old man berates child.
231. Son becomes tentacles; father unperturbed.
232. Woman’s robot boyfriend can’t love.
233. Small-penised man hacks ex’s email.
234. Murderous intent backfires (pun intended).
235. Angry snowman grows, gets revenge.
236. Ghosts haunt an easy target.
237. Everyone wants to touch “Tits.”
238. Wasn’t he fired in 227?
239. Literal interpretation of idiom: humorous.
240. Pony Island causes bloody fight.
241. Cheating boy endangers instructor’s life.
242. Heartless teacher accommodates strange allergy.
243. Fast food customer ignores mugging.
244. Bowling: more fun than childbirth.
245. Murderer feels responsibility, not remorse.
246. We should pray to Batman.
247. Amputated penis found in popcorn.
248. Therapist gets the full picture.
249. Shadowy agents fear car repairman.
250. Eyeball-studded chest earns a recommendation.
251. A “buzzed-out fuckfest” sounds fun.
252. Polite robber murdered by police.
253. Gambling priest profits off confessions.
254. Divorcees treat son like dog.
255. Man dies shortly after eclipse.
256. Weary father harvests children’s organs.
257. Erect penis misidentified as gun.
258. Magical table has modest demands.
259. Human blood is apparently delicious.
260. Man kills his crush’s boyfriends.

261. Spitting bully spreads serious disease.
262. Sick child provides an alibi.
263. Wife discovers man’s macabre deception.
264. Policemen’s ball will be hookerless.
265. Prostitution misunderstandings ruin prom night.
266. Date neglected, homoerotic sentiments expressed.
267. Dead classmate disrespected by drunkards.
268. Boys replace families with wolves.
269. Child’s psychosis released by fire.
270. Respect comes from deadly lasers.
271. Cop misunderstands time travel’s implications.
272. Stockholm syndrome felt towards robot.
273. Sandwich-based proposal goes awry (arye?).
274. Midair urination has terrible consequences.
275. Doctor wishes for peaceful death.
276. Father teaches pyromaniac about mortality.
277. Father posthumously slanders innocent puppy.
278. Rules of Russian roulette misunderstood.
279. Friend’s betrayal discovered via tattoo.
280. Death at orgy; friend conflicted.
281. The clergyman is packing heat.
282. Alcohol poisoning: a mixed blessing.
283. Freud would like this strip.
284. Fraternities are hotbeds of rape.
285. Amateur pornography mistaken for torture.
286. Fat nerd punches helpless athlete.
287. Inspirational movie clichés taken seriously.
288. Man shoots fish for fun.
289. Father recounts his own cannibalism.
290. They have a terrible relationship.
291. Suicidal man can’t find death.
292. Smoking metaphor teaches depressing lesson.
293. Racial stereotypes and a powerglove.
294. Human head: better than ramen?
295. Sexually frustrated ghost re-takes life.
296. Boy gropes a choking man.
297. “Death of a Salesman” joke.
298. Ungrateful boy violently refuses lemonade.
299. Child discovers power of censorship.
300. Boy murders; buys ice cream.
301. Child’s book has high stakes.
302. Sadistic soldier has obscene collection.
303. War is hell. Boring hell.
304. Wrestler cynical about political process.
305. Man relates to children unusually.
306. Burt hurt by friend’s forgetfulness.

307. Conjoined twins predisposed to conflict.
308. Broken legs spur nature appreciation.
309. Razor blades eaten, bet won.
310. Supportive friend ushers in death.
311. Anti-arboreal message written with knife.
312. Murderer hired as foster parent.
313. Some men have fish fetishes.
314. Life, death, afterlife, death, nothingness.
315. Man kills father through fear.
316. Gifted anal watch not appreciated.
317. Bigoted werewolf transforms, ruins clothes.
318. Poop rains on magical kingdom.
319. Father gives poor sex advice.
320. Father, then cop, punch boy.
321. Father threatens son; terrible parent.
322. Alcohol fancifully named by wizard.
323. Gus fails another social interaction.
324. Hot tub story interrupted rudely.
325. Child demoralizes ice cream salesman.
326. Man regrets burning his house.
327. Cold men remove their clothing.
328. Helpful ghost shunned as demon.
329. Prostitute mollifies mother with humor.
330. Golf’s boring. Don’t play it.
331. Height determines a child’s worth.
332. Murderer, cop: same modus operandi.
333. Speech persuades murderer to kill.
334. Friendship is important to everyone.
335. Man murders boss on Christmas.
336. Ken abuses Skip yet again.
337. Woman makes compromises, gets date.
338. Wealthy kid drives a car.
339. Father persuades son to steal.
340. The internet’s most dysfunctional family.
341. Seriously, Skip’s life really sucks.
342. Lameness causes two men’s deaths.
343. Vengeance: not applicable to trains.
344. Insane man crossdresses, gets date.
345. Ghost is homeless, haunts gym.
346. Man laughs at another’s death.
347. Arson solves yet another problem.
348. Rocker ghost’s kind of dickish.
349. Man names his children illogically.
350. Secret identities assigned, cheating attempted.
351. Suicidal man’s baby robs bank.
352. Hatless squid doesn’t get date.

353. Insert second amendment joke here.
354. Being a good friend: priceless.
355. Murph hires a cheap prostitute.
356. Man laughs about dead relative.
357. Honest man might get date.
358. Caricature artist earns some praise.
359. Jenkins draws panda. Crime unsolved.
360. Ken, finally arrested, gets party.
361. Prisoner too stupid to escape.
362. Prison guard rethinks reintegration program.
363. Incontinent mayor’s chastity belt backfires.
364. We all have some regrets.
365. Ol’ Gus does it again.
366. Man poops on his coats.
367. Man finds human remains; unperturbed.
368. Unrealistic standards of female beauty.
369. Woman will get abortion soon.
370. Pledges miss point of hazing.
371. Man interrogates pair of panties.
372. Woman dramatically presents swaddled Lego.
373. Teacher stimulates genitals with vegetable.
374. Baby cannibalism isn’t all good.
375. Pirate captain makes ineffective threat.
376. We learn TV is great.
377. Masturbating student has bad memory.
378. Paternity disclosed in unexpected way.
379. Baseball practice; man picks nose.
380. Boys encouraged to bludgeon others.
381. Man buys waffles for sex.
382. Backdrop misleading: just a prison.
383. Prejudice ruins a pasta dinner.
384. Tall men have specific problems.
385. Man more simple-minded than dog.
386. Mother encourages son’s pubic shaving.
387. Bully gets promise of sandwich.
388. Teacher encourages student to smoke.
389. Bully’s life is emotionally empty.
390. Bleeding man sees his optometrist.
391. Man interprets toothed duck painting.
392. The chef is blind, asshole.
393. Dated jokes contained in can.
394. Men save with cheap bullets.
395. Man envies deer, kills it.
396. Man prepares son for murder.
397. Unusual restaurant request spitefully denied.
398. Boy pleasures therapist through voodoo.

399. Beverage uncovers memories, earns B.
400. Reflection on nature of death.
401. Wizard’s magic confirmed by obesity.
402. Poker cheaters aren’t shot. Yet.
403. Rejected man cries by lockers.
404. Incompetent leadership dooms a nation.
405. Man tricked into drawing penis.
406. Indecisive man scratched by cat.
407. Gun-wielding man denied a withdrawal.
408. Boy fantasizes about mail lady.
409. Ken reiterates: he’s killed people.
410. More blood on Ken’s hands.
411. Dog sinks battleship; men imprisoned.
412. Captor cuts off own fingers.
413. Vest saves life, hurts friendship.
414. Weird compliment goes over well.
415. World’s greatest thespian gets table.
416. Ken probably broke Skip’s arm.
417. Man desires a bustier girlfriend.
418. Shed skin crumbles, frightens son.
419. Woman makes son consume plastic.
420. Cursing dog leaves his post.
421. Man laughs himself into spasms.
422. Fat people are funny. Fact.
423. Premature ejaculation is the joke.
424. Wes and Tony: serious artists.
425. Dog loved more than son.
426. Man kills dog, loses Frisbee.
427. Unhappy bouncer regrets his choices.
428. Invisible Stewart crashes the party.
429. Lonely nerd triggers terrorism warnings.
430. Woman harsh towards dead son.
431. Father pulls sadistic birthday ploy.
432. Joker gets away with murder.
433. Man’s conscience works very strangely.
434. Boy desperately wants friend’s bones.
435. God disapproves of our fornication.
436. Homeless Newton regrets his choices.
437. Autobiographer writes a concise account.
438. Father remains alienated from children.
439. Man commands lesbians, eats sandwich.
440. Sex-craving man gives unsatisfying present.
441. Father coerces son into piracy.
442. Ken is lazy, maybe illiterate.
443. Lessons on prostitution cause abuse.
444. Drugs pedaled to innocent youth.