Archive for January, 2009

Fearless Predictions for the New Year

Thursday, January 1st, 2009
  • Due to global slowing, October will come one month after November.
  • Crime will start paying, but with high health insurance premiums.
  • The dead will rise when a cemetery explodes. Then they’ll fall.
  • Bears will become illegal.
  • The spell will be broken and Julia Roberts will turn back into a pumpkin.
  • Free ice cream for everyone! … Just kidding. Plague.
  • Everyone gets fatter.
  • Walt Disney will be thawed when they discover a cure for casual racism.
  • All forms of currency will be replaced with bullets and pogs.
  • The usual shitstorm.