Things I Liked Before they Were Cool
on December 8, 2008 at 1:23 pmI’m not saying that I am a trend setter, but I am saying that I set trends. All the time. As it turns out, most anything that is popular I liked long before you did. Here’s a brief list of some things that I liked way before any of you did, which makes me so much cooler:
Sleeping In
Been doing this all my life. You folks out there who just got jobs, and suddenly realize how precious morning sleep is? Yeah, I was loving that shit while you were a fetus. A FETUS. Just try getting me out of bed. You’ll need an army of peasants with pitchforks.
Snow
Snow is totally dope, y’all. Let’s face it, it’s water in its most brutal state. Except for giant icicles maybe. But yeah, snow? I was eating and peeing in it (in whatever order) before you ever heard what a ski was. Before you were cutting the powder, I was leaving my name in neon down your favorite slopes.
Rocket Launchers
I liked these things back when they were called BAZOOKAS. This slightly predates the era when all machine guns were referred to as “uzis.”
Scooters
Okay, so the Razor trend has passed, and if you’re still riding one you should take a look in a mirror and search for some reason to be proud of yourself. But back when I was 6 years old, I had a scooter with Snoopy and Woodstock on it, and I sported that board everywhere. I rode it until termites ate the wheels off of it, and it made me the coolest cat on the block. The WHOLE block.
Cats
LOL Cats? Try some REAL cats. I had shit tons. Legions.
James Bond
It’s called a VHS tape of “Thunderball.”
Wizards
Take your Harry Potter and shove it. In my day wizards had beards as long as their ***** and they would explode your face with a fireball.
Concern Over Global Warming
I wrote the script for Waterworld IN MY DREAMS.
DVDs
Before the movies in disc format blew everyone’s minds, I was spinning some phat platters called Laserdiscs. Eat it.
Tacos
I grew up INSIDE of a Del Taco. My hair still smells like Sonora Chicken Burritos.
Medical Experimentation For Money
Gurk.
Showering/Bathing/Hygiene
It was ALWAYS a good idea? Why did it take you so long to catch on.
That Being “Cool” Is Uncool
Why do you think I liked all these things before they were cool? Because it was UNCOOL back then. Which, in turn, is COOL. Why do you think I wrote this post in a manner in which it would appear that I’m joking? So you don’t realize how UNCOOL I really am, which in turn is SUPER COOL.
You people are impossible.
Cool post. I mean uncool. I mean super cool.
Thunderball – I watched it for the Tom Jones. But the shark infested scuba fight scene was the best.
Dammit, Tony. What happens when you’ve done everything and nothing is cool?
I revel in your mighty nerdness sir!
*bows before Tony*
AIN’T NO THANG. I CAN’T HELP WHO I AM.
? EXPERIMENTING MEDICALLY ?
I AM BIG TIME SOVIET RESEARCHER AND I NEED HUMAN BRAIN TO COMPLETE MY BIG TIME SOVIET RESEARCH. WHEN RESEARCH IS DONE I WILL SELL MY PATENT FOR $15 MILLIONS DOLLARS UNITED STATES.
IF U SEND ME YOU’RE HUMAN BRAIN VIA FEDEX SERVICE, I WILL SPLIT PATENT MONEY WITH YOU.
SORRY< BUT NO KIDNEYS PLEASE. HAVE PLENTY.
You could try.
Dang, dude, Spambot posted just seconds before me, making my comment meaningless. Well played.
Great, Spambot, here we are trying to have a real discussion and you try to steal our brains again.
Sorry, Mr. MacHugenschlong, but there’s no way to undo the past.
CONSTRICTED BY THE UNFORGIVING WEIGHT OF THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME?!
GET FLUX-CAPACITOR ATTACHED TO YOUR CAR! SEND CHECK OR MONEY ORDER AND IN 8-15 WEEKS YOU WILL RECEIVE TIME-TRAVEL DEVICE VIA E-MAIL. JUST PRINT AND ATTACH TO CAR!
(CONVENIENCE CHARGE APPLIES).
but then i have to buy tape to stick it to my car.
🙁 hidden costs.
Spambot! I don’t know where to send my money! 🙁
My DeLorean is seriously lacking the ability to time-travel, except for forwards and very slowly
Sounds like a there’s a problem with your alternator.
Actually I have existed for all of time, time has no beggining and neither does my life. I have been doing every single one of thoose things since before any of the atoms in your body even existed, clearly you just copied me.
For example, I spent the first 72 eons of existence sleeping in and by the time I woke up EVERYBODY WAS DOING IT!
Actually, “Thor”, I’m going to call you out on this one. The real Thor was born to Odin, who in turn was born to Bor. So, really? You’ve existed for “all of time?” Tell that to your Daddy who knocked up that skank-ass ho Jord.
LIES, SIR. DIRTY LIES.
By the way, I liked Norse Mythology before it was cool.
Clearly you’re behind the curve Tony. All the cool/uncool kids are reading the Ramayana.
Nope, you must be thinking of a different Thor.
Which would, technically, make reading the Ramayana uncool, since being cool is uncool (since uncool is the new cool, and all).
This would suggest that Tony is in fact ahead of the curve by dint of the fact that he’s so far behind it.
It is about now that my head explodes and I die. Sjiodfjiowwwwwwwww32122222222222222222222222222222
Once horse pornography becomes popular, I’ll finally be cool.
http://www.threadless.com/product/917/zoom.gif
This is funny because it is literally true.
I remember before Nintendo WII was this shit to have, there was this bitchin bulky device called “the glove”. Sporting that was serious business.
You had to dream through the ENTIRE scenario of Waterworld? Wow. I pity you, man… How are you still sane?