Trouble A-Foot! (Punnnn!!)
on March 5, 2009 at 11:39 amSo, yeah, okay! Here’s a story for all you people who love miserable things!
The other day (SUNDAY, to be precise) I decided to shower. Finally! I was doin’ my thing, gettin’ my body all clean up and smellin’ good when I noticed, from my foot, a rather heavy flow! Of blood! D:
So I guess here’s the thing: my shower drain? Is effectively a cheese grater? And if you’d ever like the tip of one of your toes sheared off, let’s talk! I can give you advice!
So, I have to wash off all of my Burt’s Bees bodywash foam (WHICH IS TOTALLY MASCULINE, DON’T MESS) from my torso before I could address the fact that my pinky toe on my left foot was significantly lighter than it used to be. Once I finished up and got my Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Oil Facewash out of my eyes (WHICH IS TOTALLY MASCULINE, DON’T MESS), I was able to address the problem.
By address, the problem, I mean I stuffed the hole in my toe full of toilet paper and tied it off with dental floss, as I was very late for work. I zoomed off in my Mazda (WHICH IS TOTALLY MASCULINE, DON’T MESS) in the hopes that we had a medical kit at our office, which luckily we did!
I called up Wes on the road, so, you know, I could be distracted while driving as I was spraying blood out of my foot like a plastic bag with a hole poked in it. He used his med-school wits to give me a battle plan to fight off my imminent death; he told me to go to an actual doctor. NO WAY! $$$ ?!!
So, plan b! It involved holding a lot of pressure, lots of alcohol swabs, antibiotic ointment, and gauze! And days later, it has worked well! My wound is healthy, perky and fun! And nothing’s coming out of it except brand new skin!
SO the moral of the story: I regret nothing.
A footwound is kind of like a pet!
If you take care of it and tend to it regularly, it will be happy and the two of you will have a lot of fun. If you don’t! Well…!!
So what is a foot wound but a permanently disfiguring Tamagotchi!
SO MANLY…!!!
there’s nothin’ a little man juice can’t solve…because you’re so manly…and i like double negatives. nog.
Hey, lolcat, we like nog, too! We should be friends!
i demand a satanic funeral…for my deceased (loledited) racist comments
sup dawg we heard you like amazingsuperpowers so we put a link to amazingsuperpowers on your amazingsuperpowers so you can link amazinsuperpowers while you post on amazingsuperpowers.
Pinky toes are supposed to disappear evolutionarily in the next 1000 years. Just consider yourself ahead of the curve.
wow. why are you using a cheese grater for a shower drain? seems like it would be safer to leave it open.
also, why were you dragging your foot over the drain cover? why were you even stepping on the drain?
is it weird that i ask so many questions?
Who are you going to silence next?
Who nogs the nogmen?
LACK OF NOG GOT YOU DOWN?
JUST PLACE FIFTY DOLLAR BILL IN ENVELOPE AND PLACE ON DOORSTEP! LEAVE DOORSTEP UNATTENDED FOR WEEKS PLEASE!
IN RETURN YOU WILL BE EMAILED ALL THE NOG YOU COULD EVER WANT.
NOG COMPANY NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WET EMAILZ.
Showers can be dangerous, not too long ago I was bit in the sack by what seemed to be a brown recluse (read: “dangerous spider that causes necrosis of tissues if left untreated”).
After some screaming and a very quick reaction by my GF we contained it and brought it to school. The health center told me to not worry about it, and The entomology lab on campus id’d it as not poisonous (what was left of it). I got a nice welt for my troubles too.
The big letdown is that when I show people my battle scar they threaten lawsuits.
RE: Jim
nogmen eat their own…fueled by their voracious appetite for white nog…where da white nog at?
I wish I had a foot wound, one that I could care for and nurture as it grows, take it for walks and wash it so it doesn’t become infected. Then when it heals I become a little sad even though I know in my heart that the months we spent together were worth the pain I feel when it’s over.
Oi, Robert Muldoon here reading this site from my bungalow on Isla Nublar. Great work here, you clevah girls. My favorite one is-oh shit-SHOOT HER SHOOOOOOOOOOOT HEEEERRRRRR
does ASP endorse Russell Brand?
Awwww…. I miss my tomogatchi… I member how he used to just bounce all over the teeny tiny screen….. so many memories…..
OH MY GOD I’M SO SAD NOW!!!
*puts gun to mouth*
lolcat:
We prefer more generic forms of Russell.
Lolz, you need to get a protector thingy for your drain…Or a bionic foot.XD
Dude, do we have the same shower? Same grater, same bodywash, same face wash… I think so.
Get better! DON’T PICK AT THE SCAB!