After both of us reading through 400+ entries, we’ve learned that having you guys “do our work for us” is a heck of a lot more work than if we did it ourselves. We also learned that you all love planking, Superman, and other people’s moms. Crowdsourcing is a sham.
The one we decided to immortalize is from a user by the name of “nitpicking,” who chose to spend his time fussing over the naming scheme of the contest instead of submitting an actual entry. I guess that’s what you can expect from someone called “nitpicking.” And because it wasn’t an actual entry, they’re not eligible for a print. Bummer!!!
And we had a tie for runner up, the first from a user calling themselves “Ancalime,” who’ll be taking home a print of their choice:
The other runner up is from “fireinthewronghole,” who will also be taking home a print:
This one also had a pretty excellent hidden comic
Thanks for everyone who entered, this was fun! Maybe we’ll do more stuff like it in the future.
<3
-wes/tony
***
Alright! So for the first time ever we’re doing a “You Write the Dialogue” contest! In the comments below, write your idea for the dialogue in the comic for each panel (P1, P2, P3, hidden, and alt text) and we’ll pick the winner by Monday.
Will the winning entry become the permanent text for the comic? Yes! Is this us being lazy and having you do the work for us? Yes! Are we probably going to regret this? Yes!
The winner gets eternal glory and a print of the comic of their choice.
P1. You just called me ‘clumsy’? Me, clumsy?
P2. I can balance on the top of the chair, and still drink my beer!
P3. (leave blank)
Hidden. STOMP (or whatever hit-the-floor-hard sound you prefer)
Alt text. Keeping balance is harder than you may think.
P1:
L: YOU SLEPT WITH MY MAN, DIDN’T YOU?!
R: What the? Who are…
P2:
L: DID YOU DO IT LIKE THIS?!
P3:
…AND LIKE THIS?
Alt text:
‘CAUSE THAT’S HOW _I_ ROLL!
Hidden:
You’re… not that guy, are you?
I enjoyed this comment
LOVE IT.
P1: … But just wait until you read this comic backwards!
P2: … Hanging in the air, splashing about like Oprah on dry soil…
P3: Yeah, sure, I may be looking stupid now…
Hidden: What point was I trying to make again?
Alt text: Did you notice his belly button is backwards too?
This one is clearly the best.
None compare.
I’m not even going to try, this was ‘mayzin. I hope you win!
Panel 1
Andy – “Uh Keith, I think you may want to lay off the booze a little bit. You look pretty drunk and I think you’ve had enough.”
Kieth – Hic “Shut up I’m not drunk!” (slurring his words)
Panel 2:
Keith – “Look, see me levitating? Could a drunk man do that, huh?” (slurred speech etc)
Panel 3:
(Hover text) *Thud!*
Hidden Comic
“Hey look, a dime!”
this one! I vote for this one!
I really like the hidden comic on that one!
Yep, this one is the best.
Alternate Alt Text: “This is the last time we give you non-alcoholic beer.”
P1: Right: “I’m pretty sure you’re not Lara Croft”
Left: “I am, and I’ll prove it…”
P2: Left: “…With a swan dive”
P3: slide intentionally left blank
Alt: Her story checks out
Hidden: “…see?”
P1: What do you mean I’m drunk? Look at me…
P2: Planking requires discipline, stillness, peace with oneself, concentration…
P1:
Left: You take that back now!
Right: But I didn’t say anything!
P2:
Left: See, I can balance on the chair!
P3:
Left: And see, I can also balance vertically!
Hidden:
Right: Did you have to wee in the bottle before doing this?
Alt:
No chairs were harmed in the making of this comic.
P1: “Dude, I think you’ve had enough…” “*hips* you sayin’ I’m drunk?”
P2: “Could I do this if i were drunk?”
P3: “…”
Hidden comic: “Your floor tastes like barf”
Alt text: “Could I write this if I were drunk?”
Purple Shirt: “Hey man, can I borrow your Loafer Lightener?”
Beer Guy: “Not a chance! I spent years developing my own formula!”
Beer Guy: “It’s a million times better than that store bought Loafer Lightener, and it is just for me, sucker!”
Beer Guy: “The formula may make it TOO light…”
Hover Text: “He can fly! Well… almost.”
Hidden Comic: “Now I just need to invent a dye that’ll lighten my hair.”
panel 1
red-haired dude: I can’t believe no one is planking anymore! It was the best thing ever!
purple-shirt guy: It’s time to let it go Keith. That fad is dead.
panel 2
red-haired dude: See! I look so awesome right now!
panel 3: no text
hover text: C’mon guys it’s 2011 again! Let’s all go get pictures taken while planking!
secret comic: I regret nothing
P1: “No really, I believe that you can do a frontflip.” “Shut up and hold my beer!”
hidden: “I can taste my spine.”
alt: “See, you forgot to give me your beer, that’s why it didn’t work.”
I like this one.
Which is relevant to no one, but hey. A stranger thinks you’re funny.
Thank you dude, I appreciate that.
P1:
(left guy) You did what with your penis?!
(right guy) I had sex…?
P2:
(left guy) Like this?
(right guy) I suppose, sort of?
P3:
(left guy) And this?
(right guy) I’m not sure you know what sex is.
Hidden:
I’m stuck
(from off screen) Time for round two
Alt Text:
I know what the sex is! Something to do with your mum, right?
Thumbs up/Like/Upvote/Pretty Sure You Got the Point
P1: Glasses-Guy: “That God is a loser geek!” The other guy:”You’re drunk..”
P2: Glasses-Guy: “Using us humans as puppets!”
P3: Glasses-Guy: “He’s so bad at this!”
Hidden: Glasses-Guy: “Hiks”
Alt: God:”Im not bad at this. Im just a spiteful dick:>”
Note: English is not my mother language. Feel free to correct!
Yo’ Daddy was a Mother Fscker!
(well, it’s true!)
1 – “I told you I’m not drunk!” “Oh yeah? Try standing on one leg”
2 – “I’ll stand on no legs, see?”
3 – “OUCH! I can also stand on my face”
Hidden panel – “Oh look a penny”
Text – “I’m totally okay to drive btw”
P1: Look, I can fly EXACTLY like Superman.
P2: No dialogue.
P3: No dialogue.
Hidden: I told you so.
Alt text: You should see his impression of Superman stopping a bullet.
P1: Whadya mean I’m too drunk to drive home?
P2: If I was too drunk could I do this?
P3: …
Alt-text: Beer goggles are NOT protective head-gear…
P1 – There’s only one way to settle this – GRAVITY CONTEST!
P2 –
P3 – I fucking hate you
Hidden – Best 2/3
Alt – If this were opposite day, I’d be LAUGHING
P1: Shuperman would be way more manoeuvrable if he bent his legs more in the air
P2: See, I can change direction really easily now. Watch…
P3: …
Alt-text: There is a reason why Superman is the “Man of Steel”
P1:
Guy on the right: “You’re not actually superman, dude.”
Guy on the left: “Oh Yeah? Watch me climb onto this chair!”
P2:
Guy on the left: “See? i’m fucking superman.”
P3:
Guy on the left: “Shit.”
Hidden Picture: “I’m not actually superman at all.”
Alt text: “He wasn’t actually superman at all”
To sum it up: The guy on the left thought he was superman, but wasn’t superman at all.
Not in the slightest
P1 – General relativity isn’t the only explanation!
P2 – Explain this Einstein…
P3 –
Hidden – I am indeed, in a certain sense a Circle, and a more perfect Circle than any in Flatland.
Alt – Alcohol converts the Brans-Dicke theory into the Dicke-Brains theory.
I like the Alt in this one, but the dialog needs more kick. Then again, this isn’t SMBC or XKCD…
P1: “your Fezh is unacksheptaber”
“It’s my drunk, you’re hair.”
P2: “A HOME FOR THE FLEAS, A HIVE FOR THE BUZZING BEES”
P3: “I ain’t LaFayette NO MO’.”
Hidden: “What is it with you and apple juice”
Alt Text (P2): “You can’t handle my dimenshons”
“You are so right about that”
1st Panel: Hey check out this magic beer!
2nd panel: See look, it made me levitate!
3rd Panel: Maybe I should have bought more than one bottle…
Hidden Comic: Maybe I was just drunk…
Alt Text: MagiBeer (C): For all you levitating needs!
OR
1st Panel: I bet you that I can levitate for 5 minutes
2nd panel: Ha Ha, I will do it!
3rd Panel: Damn
Hidden Comic: Only 3 seconds.
Alt Text: Next time…
Maybe switch the alt text and hidden comic for this one around?
You had 13 minutes, and that’s the best you could do???
😀
Well I thought it was pretty AWESOME!
The e-mail thing wasnt here when I first posted my comment…
-Frame 1-
Character 1: Today is a beautiful day to be stomping on things! As a dinosaur, stomping is the best part of my day indeed!
Black Guy: Wait! Is stomping really the answer to your problem(s)?
-Frame 2-
Character 1: Problem(s)? My only problem(s) have to do with you interrupting my stomping!
-Frame 3-
Character 1: Crazy utahraptor!
Best answer in the thread.
Thank you kindly!
P1. “I’m telling you, I am NOT possessed by the devil!”
P2. -Empty Picture-
P3. -Empty Picture-
Hidden: “Worst hangover ever”
Alt: “Next time, Don’t get our beer from that gypsy”
P1: Guy on Right: “Hey, your hair and glasses kind of make you look like John Denver.”
Guy on Left: “Oh, you think I look like John Denver, do you?”
P2: “Do I look like John Denver now?!”
P3: “Nrrg…how about now?”
Alt Text: Now you look like a more effeminate Amelia Earhart.
Hidden: “…leaving, on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again…”
Winner!
P1: There’s an easy test to see if the alcohol has gone straight to my head
P2: My head will be heavier than my legs and I will over-bala…
P3: …
Alt-text: Trying to do the test is THE test…
Now, when I think about it, it’s not fun. Still, here it is:
P1:
– Look, I can talk speech bubbles!! (pointing at the speech bubble with his words)
– Yeah, whatever.
P2:
– This bubble is so squishy, just like Sasha was! (groping and fingering the speech bubble while lying on it)
P3:
– You too, Anne!? (the speech bubble is flying to the upper side of the panel hissing from the hole nearby his left hand)
Hidden comic:
Abuse me more, Isabel! (dressed in the S&M uniform and being passive to a shout bubble with the spikes)
Alt text:
Do the thought bubbles count as multi-breasted?
P1-Andy: You can’t drink away your problems Keith.
Keith: Yes I can, you can’t stop me! Screw you and screw gravity!
P2-Andy: Uhh…
Keith: Pshh..Ain’t no thing but a chicken wing.
P3-Keith: Aaah!…….Help me Andy, I need more beer.
Alt text: Well he sobered up real quick.
Hidden-Keith: Sobriety is so painful as it allows me to look back on my previous actions and feel shame….Also my face hurts a bit.
p1: damn these pants are so uncomfortable! no room for the junk!
p2: gotta stretch these babies out man! crampin my style!
p3: much better
P1. You spent all of our money on a magic potion! I bet it doesn’t even do anything!
P2. -empty picture-
P3. I’ve had better.
Hidden: Why can’t I have normal friends?
Alt: “Sometimes, I regret drinking bottles of strange liquid”
P1
Character on right “Dude, there is no way to pull that trick off.”
Character on left “I’ll prove it to you man!”
P2
Blank for dramatic comedic effect.
P3
Character on left in a thought bubble “My God-I’ve become my father.”
Hover text “At least he pulled off the bottle switch”
Hidden comic: “Unlike my father did, I wish now that he had pulled out early!”
THIS COMBO WAS A WINNER! Hey! We should start doing a strip of our own!
I’m tired of being CENSORED by “The Man!” What do you have against me, you 2 fingered HATERS?!!!
(I gots a Gravatar but it never shows! And the email line never shows either! Just because I blocked your trackers! You 2 fingered HATER of Tracker Haters!)
I’ll show you it gives you wings!
Dude that’s a beer..
Maybe you’re rig…
? = At least the beers numb the pain a little.
numbs*
P1)
How come you never drink with me?
I’m allergic to alcohol…
Do I have to make it fun for you?
P2)
Here comes the booze plane, ooooo…
P3)
HC)
Drinking and flying blows.
This is a amazing.
sc1. “You’re full of it. Ghosts have never given a wedgie.”
sc2. “I still don’t believe in ghosts, or the movie ghost. They cant hurt me.”
sc3. “Alright, maybe Patrick Swayze gave me a wedgie.”
P1. I’m sick of our marriage! I drank this entire bottle of poison just to get away from you!
P2. I’m floating? Now I’m filled with the will and motivation to live a great life!
P3. Nothing, but picture in your mind the sound of hope shattering and the pain and trauma of seeing a loved one kill them self in front of your eyes.
Hidden: This went as well as everything else I’ve done.
Alt: This kids, is why you shouldn’t kill yourself.
Dammit… Is there a hidden text?
(P1) Orange haired dude: You call that flying?
Black haired dude: No.
(P2) OHD: I’ll show you flying!
(P3 – no text)
(hidden) Remember, kids, don’t drink and fly.
(alt text) I’m pushing the world, like Superman!
P1
“You are a black man.”
“Indeed. I am black.”
P2
“What the fuck.”
P3
“I am now contemporary art.”
Hidden text
“State the obvious followed by Contemporary art naps is not a fun drinking game.”
Alternate text.
“Boners are cool; they do nothing for balance.”
He’s not black – he’s Pakistani!
P1
Character 1: “WHAT? I can totally plank on this chair!”
Character 2: “I said I want to yank out your hair…”
P2
Character 1: “S’right, brah.”
P3
Character 2: “It actually looks a bit better.”
Hidden
“Hey brah, I can see some teeth down here! … Oh.”
Alt text
“Does he even lift? …Himself up from the floor?”
P1. Did you replace my beer with watered down wizard piss?!?
P2. -empty picture-
P3. Oh, It’s only Budweiser.
Hidden: Full bodied, with a hint of levitation.
Alt: “I should have known. It tasted much better”
P1 What are you doing with your penis? P2 You are making me fly with it!!!!!! P3 Oh vod this is good… Hidden I’m loving this 😉 Alt He can fly.
P1
Keith: Have you, like, ever thought that we live in artificial world?
Andy: I think you’ve drank enough. And that was a movie we saw yesterday.
P2
Keith:No, no. Like, there is no God, but a creator. That’s not truly omnipotent, but can control our world as he pleases. That possibly went his agression in real world into our lives! No way to know!
P3
Keith: Truly, sometimes you can’t see the clearest things!
hidden
3rd panel, Keith: More booze, please!
alt text
THE FLOOR IS LAVA!
P1 Andy: God! I’m so sick of gravity acting like it’s BETTER than us!
Keith: I… I don’t think it works that way.
P2 Andy: Oooooh, look at me! I’m gravity and I’m better than everyo-
P3 *smack* (no speech req)
Alt With the Gravity Gun, EVERYONE’s Black Mesa’s bitch.
Hidden “Gravity defying doth come before the fall. And facial reconstruction.”
“Dude, standing up? You can’t relax while standing up.” “I feel pretty relaxed…”
“No, dude, lying down like this, WAY more relaxing. Plus I look like Superman.”
“I’ve never been so comfortable in my life.”
Alt text: “My face is soooo soft.”
Hidden comic: “5 more beers and I’ll show you how my stomach relaxes, too.”
umm, yeah, this was mine, i had no idea there were other fields 😀
P1
Right: You are too drunk to drive!
Left: No I’m Not. I’ll prove it:
P2
Left: See I’m Sober enough to fly
P3
Left: VRRRRRRRRRUUUUMMMMMM!!!
Alt
Still a better driver than anyone in New jersey
Hidden:
I’m Denzel Washington
P1: First guy – “Oh yeah I can see why my wife wanted that!”
Other guy – “What?”
P2: “Was it all like ‘ooo look at me all hovering next to your junk?'”
P3: (leave blank)
Hidden: “Just tell Christine I forgive her OK?”
Alt text: “AND why am I in YOUR kitchen?”
P1:L- What do you mean I make an ass out of myself whenever I drink?
R: R- Exactly what it sounds like, man.
P2:L- Really????
P3″ L- …….really?
Alt: “I just find that hard to believe.”
Hidden Comic: “Beer me”
Panel1: Andy: I don’t want to go planking man, nobody does that anymore, it’s over.
Keith: planking is still cool! check it!
Panel2: Keith: oh yeah, check it out this is the best thing ever! Aren’t you jealous of my mad planking skills?
Panel3: Keith: and this is the next coolest trend, I call it “stalagtiting”
Alt text: can’t wait to show you “calcium depositing”
Hidden comic: eat your heart out Harlem shake
P1:
“And *he* was like “guuuh”.”
“Yow.”
P2:
“And so *I* was like “whoooa”.”
P3:
“I bet he left you alone after that.”
Hidden: “No dude, he totally admitted my point was completely valid.”
Alt: A typical conversation at this bar.
P1
You’re a terrible figure skater!
I’ve never tried figure skating
P2
See, even this chair is better than you
P3
That would have worked on ice
Hidden text: It would work even better on jello
P1
R: Hey man, my dad just died
L: Cool, I’ve always thought your mom was kinda hot
P2
L: What the hell… put me down!
P3
Empty
Hidden
Kinda hot?
Alt
Never insult my mom
p1: Right guy: Hey, I got a monkey’s paw and wished that you would forget how to sit.
Left guy: You idiot.
p2: Left guy: Monkey’s don’t have paws, they have hands.
p2: Left guy: Get your shit together.
hover text: Or maybe it was a human paw, I dunno.
extra panel: Now excuse me while I go take a shit.
I mean p3 for the last sentence.
Panel 1
Andy – “Really Keith? Nobody is planking anymore”
Kieth – “Yeah? Watch me bring it back!”
Panel 2:
Keith – “See this? See how great this was?”
Panel 3:
Keith – “Oh, right.”
Hidden
“Andy knows”
Alt
“Never think you can bring anything back”
P1: “EBONY AND IVORY LIVE TOGETHER IN PERFECT HARMONY”
“What?!”
P2: “PERFECT… HARMONY!”
P3: “…pfurfect hermony…”
hidden: Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder are spinning in their graves…
alt: This was smarter in my brain.
P1: “You think you’re the only one in this family with athletic talent, don’t you?” “I uhhh…”
P2: “48, 49, 50… there, 50 inverted chair thrusts, what now?”
P3: “Roll… the bottle… to my face.”
Hidden: “Mom told me you’re adopted.”
Alt: “Let’s just say I’m the smart one and call it even.”
1)
Andy: I read a book on flying!
Kieth: Since when do you read?
2)
Andy: The trick is to fall without hitting the ground.
3) Mooseknuckles!
Alt: How does failure taste?! Like a freshly mopped floor. That’s what.
?)
Mmm. Lemon Pledge.
P1.
Keith: I totally banged your mum here last night
Andy: No you didn’t!
P2.
Keith: Yeah! She was all like this!
P3.
Keith: This happened last night too…
Hidden:
I guess you could say she went down on me…
Alt:
Balancing on chairs is an integral skill to the Karma Sutra
Wish I didn’t have to use a your mum joke (lie) but I couldn’t think of anything better (truth)
P1:
Left: “If gingers don’t have souls then gravity shouldn’t affect me!”
Right: “Uhh…”
P2:
Left: “See!”
P3:
Right: “No, you were thinking of electromagnetism.”
Alt: There’s often a confusion with gingers and ninjas.
Hidden: “Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten all that lead.”
Keith- What do you mean hover pants are a stupid investment?
Andy- I just think you got scammed man.
Keith- See. The best 500 dollars I’ve ever spent. Ever!
Keith- ohhh….. still da besf!
Alt text. For your own hover pants mail Wes 500 dollars and a turkey club.
Extra panel. As soon as I save up 800 dollars for the matching hover shirt, we’ll see who’s really laughing.
P1: You should always bolt at least one chair to the floor.
Is that safe?
P2: Do this look unsafe to you?
P3: Somebody could have gotten hurt if that fell over.
Hidden: Drunk dad childproofing tips
Alt: He should carpet the kitchen, too.
P1: “You know what I hate?”
“What?”
P2: “Airplanes”
P3: *THUD*
alt text: He’s gearing up for pilot school.
Hidden: “I can see my house”
P1
Left guy:”Go away Mr. Prinkles! I have a real friend now!”
Right guy: “Dude, who are you talking to?”
P2
“My imaginary friend since I’m this tall…”
P3
“Well, he didn’t take it so bad…”
hidden
“Ok Mr. Prinkles, stop moping and help me getting up now!”
alt text
Mr. Prinkles will always be by your side!
P1: I’m telling you, doing the dishes is easy.
P2: My wife sits here like this, so she can reach the dishes.
P3 (Standing Guy): I’ll go get my wife.
P1-
Andy: I’m telling you; you bet me your firstborn.
Keith: Oh YEAH?!
P2-
Keith: HOW YOU GONNA GET THAT KID NOW??
P3-
*CRACK*
Alt-text: I didn’t say I WANTED him…
Hidden: My severed spine will prevent erections.
P1-
Andy: I’m pretty sure that guys was lying when he sold you that fizzy drink.
Keith: You weren’t there! He had the purple coat and everything!
P2-
Keith: It was Willy fucking Wonka. End of story.
P3-
Andy: So, the oompa loompa you met….
Keith: Apparently a midget prostitute.
Alt text-
Kids: don’t take candy from strangers.
Hidden-
Keith: And this everlasting gobstopper tastes like shit.
1. Your dick’s not so big!”
2. Look, my dick is 3 feet long and invisible!
3. (no text)
Panels 1-3, bubble stretched across: Hhhheeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy
hidden: man.
alt: The super-high-frame-rate drawing supplies were expensive but totally worth it.
P1:
“Give it up, man, you’re just not a trend setter.”
“I’ll show you. I’ll show all of you!”
P2:
“Look, this is a new trend I’m setting. Chair planking!”
P3:
“This is a trend too. it’s called ‘facing'”
hidden: all the cool kids are doing it.
alt: “I am sooooo faced”
P1: Right guy “I told you, bees shouldn’t be able to fly.”
Left guy “Well if bees can’ fly then neither can I.”
P2: Left guy “See, I can fly there for bees can fly.”
P3: Left guy “I’m collecting pollen.”
Hidden comic: “JUST LIKE A BEE!”
Alt text: Whenever someone tells me that bees shouldn’t be able to fly I do this until they leave.
P1: Beergoggles – “Modern dance is far superior to hip hop.”
Unimpressed – “Dude, you’re on a drunk rant.”
P2: Beergoggles – “I mean, look at this! Modern dance adheres to no rules!”
Unimpressed – “I don’t need to…”
P3: Beergoggles – “Except gravity. Just gravity.”
Unimpressed – “Color me impressed.”
Alt text – “Do the faceplant!”
Hidden panel – “You should see my ballet skills.”
P1:
Is that really two-star petrol?
Sure! That’s cuz i’m an airplaneee!
P2:
RRRRrrrrrr….
P3:
hidden:
And still beats up Jefferson Airplane!
alt text:
May Day! May Day! Barf leaking!
Panel 1
Keith – I’m tired of you not being supportive to my endeavours!
Keith – I’m trying to revolutionise the way society views chairs, man!
Andy – Chairs don’t need to be revolutionised.
Panel 2
Keith – Careful now. You better take a step back.
Keith – Don’t want your precious preconceptions destroyed right now.
Panel 3
Andy – Congratulations, you’ve destroyed my preconceptions of your face.
Hover – Sitting on chairs is for squares. Also, sensible people.
Hidden –
Keith – I regret nothing. Except the pain.
P1: If you want to impress the ladies you have to show them that you have mad skills
P2: Balancing on your abs shows your rock-hard muscles and your cat-like grace, chicks dig that…
P3: No text
alt: And broken noses, the babes love a broken nose
Hidden: And check how long I can balance on my face.
Note: Guess which movie I’ve watched recently. It’s a subtle tribute.
P1:
Andy: And so I said, listen here “Willy”, if you don’t give me some of that fizzy beer I’m going to call my brother-in-law down at ICE.
P2:
Andy: I’ve got a whole case in the trunk of m-BURP
P3:
Caption, big letters (WONK) small letter (a).
Alt-text:
No one threatens Willy fucking Wonka.
Hidden panel:
Perhaps I should have gotten a goose.
P1:
What is this!? You’re still standing around!? On Legs!?
P2:
It’s 2013! Just sip some floatation potion and hover around, like a normal guy!
P3:
PHLURLK!
Hidden:
I’ve had enough that this doesn’t hurt, but not enough to defy gravity.
Alt text:
Consumption. Perception. Inflection.
P1: Left — “You don’t respect me! But I’ll show you!”
Right — “Huh?”
P2: Left — “I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky!” (singing)
Right — “Umm . . .”
P3: Right — “Worst. Stag party. Ever.”
Alt: Due to copyright infringement, we ask that you read “I Believe I Can Fly” to the tune of “Yankee Doodle Dandy”
Hidden: “I just threw up”
P1.
Keith – I’ve had just about enough of your “invisible friend” who’s here for an “intervention”
Andy – I told you … he hates being pointed at.
P2.
Keith – well I don’t give a flying … whaaa?
P3.
Keith – tell him to let go of my arm, so I can pick my teeth out of my nose.
hidden: but how did the bottle switch hands so fast?
alt: my invisible friend could kick your invisible friend’s ass. and is. right now.
P1. “No dude, fuck you, I’m totally cool to plank”
P2. “See man, I told ya, I’m not even drunk at all”
Hover text. “Don’t let friends drink and plank… Actually don’t let friends plank at all.”
P1:
R: “There’s no way you can plank that chair.”
L: “Watch me!”
P2:
(nothing)
P3:
R: “…Told you.”
Alt text: White men can’t plank.
Secret comic:
“Dammit, I dropped my beer”
P1:
“In my house we obey gravity.”
“I don’t conform to your rules!”
P2:
“I do what I want!”
P3:
empty
Hover text:
“It’s the law!
Hidden comic:
“Can you call me a cab to the International Space Station?”
1. (Purple) Three strikes man, you know this is a Muslim household.
(Orange) Oh no, no you dont –
2. (Orange) …at least point me towards Mecca before you do this.
3. [SILENT]
Hidden: Curse you, Islamakinesis!
Alt: DUDE, NON-EUCLIDEAN MECCA
P1:
K: Oh look at me, I’m Andy. I can do whatever a want
A: Uhhh, have you been drinking all day?
P2:
K: I just float through life and never have to lift a fi-
P3: nnngnggnghhhh
Alt:nnggnnngnggnhhh
Wait, where is this hidden text you speak of? I only know about the alt/hover text.
– Is that your horse?
– What horse?
– I’m still riding it
– Oh, the invisible one. She doesn’t like strangers
Hidden:
– There was no horse, right?
P1: You psychics think you’re sooooo cool
P2: Well you’re not! You’re just a steaming pile of-
P3: (none)
Alt: They’re just okay at best
extra: You’re still a jerk
P1-
Andy: “You’re not the boss of me dad!”
Keith: “Uhh… I’m not your…”
P2-
Andy: “I can fly all by myself. I don’t need your magic feet, old man!”
P3-
Keith: “I thought you say you never knew your dad?”
Andy: “Mmmphsmff”
Hidden-
Andy: “I fly one day, DAD”
Alt P1-
Andy: “You think you’re so cool, standing on two feet like that”
Keith: “You are… too?”
P1:
Guy on left: You take off those pants right now!
Guy on right: What? No.
P2:
Guy on left: I can see your pancreas.
P3:
Guy on right (thought bubble): Black people don’t have a pancreas.
Alt Text: Yes they do.
Hidden comic: I don’t know where I am right now.
p1: I believe I can fly
p2: I believe I can touch the…
p3: floor!
alt: well I guess not
P1:
Andy: What are you doing?
Keith: Open the door!
P2:
Keith: Get on the floor.
P3:
Keith: Everybody walk the dinosaur.
Alt Text:
This was only the first chorus.
Hidden:
Keith: Why aren’t you walking the dinosaur?
Panel 1:
Andy: “Dude, it’s 2:30 in the morning. I’m NOT playing musical chairs!”
Keith: “You OWE me a rematch!”
Panel 2:
Keith: “What’s the matter? Intimidated by my skills?!”
Panel 3:
Keith: “I can do this aallll night buddy!”
alt: “The drunken master”
Hidden: “zzzz…”
P1:
So I told him “I’m a first class anarchist, man!”.
P2:
See? I don’t let the chair define how I sit!
P3:
Blank
Hidden:
Standing on your feet just makes you another cog in the machine, man.
I don’t care what they told you! There’s only one black jedi and his name is Mace Windu.
Oh god be gentle!
Wait, are you Puerto Rican?
HT: This party’s over.
ALT: Oh Mace, you would have known just what to do.
P1:
Keith: There’s no way I could breakdance
Andy: I only said you could because I don’t want you to try it to prove me wrong. You’re going to hurt yourself.
P2:
Keith: I’d be the worst. See?
P3:
*no dialog*
Alt Text:
With enemies like you, who needs friends?
Hidden:
Keith: See?
Oops. Switch Keith and Andy in my previous comment’s Alt text description. Unless it’s funnier to leave it, I guess.
P1: Think I can do a flip?
Yeah, probably.
P2: Ha!
P3: *blank*
Hidden: Halfway there.
Alt: O ye of too much faith.
P1:
*no dialog*
P2:
*no dialog*
P3:
*no dialog*
Alt Text:
“Nothing”
Hidden:
Keith: “Blank”
If you want to do this, you should embrace it and go all the way. Truly explore the Keith and Andy characters, and their subtle, yet homoerotic relationship. I think a good way to start this is with a major reveal!
All text is mirrored. Hold up to a mirror to read it properly (That way the strip reads reversed).
P3 – Keith: ON CLOSER INSPECTION, THESE AREN’T MY GLASSES
P2 – Keith: ON CLOSER INSPECTION, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NIPPLES
P1 – Andy: We probably should have diluted the transmission fluid before we drank it
Keith: SOME DAYS I REGRET GIVING BIRTH TO YOU!
Alt – Andy: You really don’t mean that, do you Mom?
Title – … so this bar walks into a man
P1:
Keith: Your mama is so invisible that you call her transparent…
Andy: Don’t Keith!
P2:
Keith: It’s a joke invisible…
P3:
Keith: man.
Panel 1
Keith: “Oh what, you think I can’t balance on the back of this chair for exactly one second before falling!?”
Andy: “I didn’t say anything about that. I have no opinion . . .”
Panel 2
Keith “HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW BITCH!?”
Panel 3
Keith “howyoulikemenow?”
Hidden text: “Ha you thought yours was going to win. You never win anything. And you never will.”
Panel 1: “You know who gets too much credit for their jobs? Pilots.”
P1: L: What, you think I can’t plank ANYWHERE?!?
P2: …..
P3: R: “Dude, are you….” L: I’M FACE-PLANKING!!!!!
Hidden: Face-Planking is Finland’s oldest sport, you know
Alt: This is how date night always ends
1:
2:
3: Man in purple “Bro…. it was nonalcoholic.”
P1:
Keith: Cats think they’re the shit, don’t they?
Andy: What the heck are you talking about?
P2:
Keith: I CAN ALSO LAND ON MY FEET, LOOK!
P3:
*random crashing sound effect or whatever*
alt: “Egyptians weren’t THAT smart after all”
Hidden: They just wish they could face plant like I do *burp*
If you don’t like the first sentence, I can change it, no probs…
….like me 🙁
P1. If you want my body…
P2. AND you think I’m sexy…
P3. Come on, baby, let me know!
Hidden: Practice doesn’t always make perfect.
Alt: This ain’t the 70s, folks!
Panel 1: “You know who gets too much credit for their jobs? Pilots.”
“I don’t know, it does seem kind of difficult.”
Panel 2: “As if! Oh look at me! I get to float around in the sky all day drin-“
1:
A) Hey, stand right there. I’m gonna do a magic trick.
B) This won’t bode well.
2:
A) Steady…
B) Umm. That’s not magic.
3:
A) Nailed it!
Alternate Text:
“No! The trick was to flatten my face without a single broken bone!”
Hidden:
A) Haha! In your face!
P3. So that’s what sex is like?
P1.
You know *hiccup*, every time I see someone “flying” on TV… it. just. makes. me. sick!
P2.
This is what it’s supposed to look like. This! Right Here!
P3.
Ow… uh, could you hand me that beer?
Hidden:
Make a “strings attached” joke and I’m seriously barfing on you!… Seriously!
Alt:
Falls faster than a speeding… nevermind, gravity works on drunks just the same.
P1
Keith: *HIC* I think Wes & Tony have run out of ideas.*HIC*
Andy: What are you on about?
P2
Keith: They want the readers *HIC* to complete our little sketch, and they came up with a *HIC* visually predictable slapstick punchline. Check this. *HIC*
P3
Keith: *HIC* See your creators’ plans *HIC*
ALt text:
Free swill or predestination?
Hidden:
I think I just peed my chest
P1: “What the hell is wrong with your crotch?”
“What?”
P2: “Ooooh look at me, I’m special, I have a perfectly square crotch!”
P3: Blank
Hidden: “You look like someone combined Kid n’ Play into one person.”
Alt: Life and Death, part of a nutritious breakfast.
Panel 1:
ANDY: So what’s an Olympic sitter do?
KEITH: I’ve mastered all forms of chair mounting!
Panel 2:
KEITH: I can sit any way I want and still be comfy!
Panel 3:
KEITH: See?!
Hidden Text: Just like Underwater Basketweaving.
Alt: He got the coal medal.
P1:
Keith: “Beware! The water levels are rising!
Andy: “What?!”
P2:
Keith: “Our last chance to swim to the higher grounds!”
P3:
Keith: “Or adapt to the ocean floor…”
Hidden:
Keith: “I’m a hydra!”
Alt text:
He left the message in the bottle.
P1:
Right: “Look — I’m just saying-”
Left: “Oooh, ‘I’m just saying’. Muhmimuhmahmuh!”
P2:
Left: “Muhmahmuhmimuh!”
P3:
Left: “Mmmph!”
Alt Text: “A perfect strategy for all arguments.”
Hidden: “Vwictory.”
P1
No text
P2
No text
P3
You are terrible at charades.
Alt
Andy: Free Willy?
Hidden
Keith: You might be right.
P1: Keith: “Evolution is just a THEORY, man!”
Andy: “Yeah, so is gravity but…”
P2: Keith: “See?”
P3: No text.
Hidden Panel: Keith: “I need to evolve some more common sense.”
Alt: This is not how evolution works, or is it?
That’s a great one!
P1. Red Bull really does give you wings
P2. Look! See?!
P3. Uhg, it’s not so good for your teeth though.
P1: You young kids with your rap music and your planking.
P2: Look at me, I’m planking like a young stud.
P3: (other guy) You should leave that to the young professionals. (fallen guy) I am starting to get some respect for the younger generation.
Leave main comic without text
alt: “What are you? Deaf?”
hidden: Mrruuuughh… urp!
sorry should be
hover text: What are you? Deaf?
Hidden comic: Mrruuuughh… urp!
P1:
Right: I think you have a drinking problem.
Left: Yeah right!
P2:
Left: If I had a drinking problem, could I do this?
P3:
Right: …Yes.
P1: I’m telling you, this Australian beer turns the world upside down. Watch!
P3: I’m pretty sure Guinness is Irish.
Hidden: Yup, my head is definitely spinning counterclockwise.
Alt text: ¡sɹəʇsoɟ
(Alt Explanation: http://www.sunnyneo.com/upsidedowntext.php?word=Fosters!)
p1 Black magic? pfft that shit is easy
p2 Ooh, look at me. I’m a wizard. I’m defying the laws of space and time. Lame.
p3 Could you hand me my beer?
Hover text: THAT IS OUR WORD
alt text: Or, you know, a neckbrace and colostomy bag.
P1,
Andy: You can’t break dance, dude.
Keith: You’re just saying that cuz I’m white!
P2
Keith: I took a crash course
P3
Keith: Though I should have stuck around for the dancing half.
Alt Text: Ba-Dum-tssshhh
Hidden Comic: Impress your friends with Wendy’s Crash course in break dancing!
P1
Andy: “Um… Keith, I’m pretty sure we’re out of North Korea’s missile range.”
Keith: “That’s just what they want you to think!”
P2
Keith: “See! The SS-N-6 Missile soars over the Pacific towards the US mainland just like this.”
P3
Empty
Alt Text: “Photoshopping the world map so the US appears closer to North Korea doesn’t make it true.”
Hidden: “빠른, 누군가가 말해 미국 제국주의 자 이건 그냥 경고 사격; ‘ 북 한국 스타일 ‘입니다.”
P1
Keith: We only sit like that because “the man” tells us to
Andy: No, it’s because-
P2
Keith: I mean, why don’t we all sit like this?
P3
Keith: Oh, right.
Hidden
Keith: Why do you keep letting me doing this?
Alt: “The man” is always trying to keep you down
P1
Andy: The theater burned and our play is tomorrow!
Keith: Pfft! No imagination! Look, I can be King Arthur…
P2
Keith: The Stone…
P3:
Keith: … And the sword.
Andy: Great. But we are doing Chicago.
Hover text: Mark my face.
Hidden: When you’re strokin’ Mama, Mama’s strokin’ you.
P1 “I keep telling you. You can’t fly like Superman because you are not Superman.”
“Oh yeah? I am Superman and I’ll show you I can fly.”
P2 “See? I am Superman. Can you see I’m flying?”
P3 “Damn this Kyptonite chair!”
“Maybe you should quit drinking.”
Hidden “Maybe I should grabbed my gun and deflect bullets off my head. That will show him.”
Alt “Everything is made from Kyptonite these days.”
Grab*
Damn these kryptonite keys!
P1
Keith: What do you mean Superman looks constipated while flying?!
Andy: I dunno, he just looks uncomfortable.
P2
Keith: Pshhhh, watch this! Can you honestly say I look like I can’t have a bowel movement as I fly towards you?
Andy: Uh…
P3
Andy: Well, now–definitely.
P1: (Right) Hey man, why are you so angry with my cat?
(Left) He thinks he is the only one who can fall on his feet!
P2: As it if was hard from the top of a chair!
P3: Meow…
Hidden: WOOF!
P1: LEFT: So, this tough mean looking bitch is sitting on my car right?. And I tell him to get his own Ford Pinto.
P2: LEFT: Then like a bitch he flies off.
RIGHT: He flies off? So…this tough mean looking bitch is a…bird?
P3: LEFT: Then BAM! Outta nowhere – birdshit comes raining down!
Extra Panel: Also, birdshit doesn’t taste as good as it sounds.
Alt: Ford Pinto = Rusty Huffy because a bike would fail to impress.
P1: Left guy, “Shut up! Your penis can’t use The Force.” Right guy, “Just watch.”
P2: Blank
P3: Blank
Hidden: Darth Penis
Alt Text: “Interestingly, it only works when it’s erect.”
p1
YOU don’t think I can*hic*.. think I can doit…
I never said that…
p2
SEE! This is so EASY I… what.. am I trying to pr… to prove?
Get down before you hurt yourself.
p3
Am I there yet?… Did…did I make it? I… uh…thi…this isn’t Narnia…
alt
DAMN GATEKEEPER CLOSED THE PORTAL!
hidden
Open up dammit! I want my Turkish delii….I….I’m in pain.
P1: What’s that Tyrone’s dick? You think you’re better than me?
P2: Well can a dick do this? Thought not. Of course you can’t, because youre a dick, and dick’s can’t balance on chairs, that would make no sense.
P3: You’ve won this round, Tyrone’s dick…
P1
Keith to empty space in front of him: ” I am completely fine to drive now give me my keys before I kick your ass!”
P2
Keith ” Uncool brah, I have parties to attend so put me down-right now!”
P3
Andy ” Apparently, even imaginary friends don’t let friends drive drunk.”
Keith ( hidden) ” I’m just gonna rest on my face down here and sober up for a while…”
1P: YOUR!
2P: FLY IS…
3P: (left blank)
Hidden: You’re welcome.
Alt: I would expect the same heads up from you.
P1:
L-Sit down man we need to talk…
P2:
L- This ”planking” thing you do is dangerous man you could…
P3:
L- Hurt…. yourself…
ALT: See? It is dangerours…
Hidden Comic:
And don’t get me started on you ”Harlem Shake”
P1: “I’m tellin’ ya now, I’m good to fly!”
“I dunno, man; that’s, what, your fifth?”
P2: “AH am the goddamned superhero ‘n I’ll tell you when I’ve had too much!
P3: “I’ve had too much.”
Hidden: Superman never has this problem
Alt: “Why’s your window taste like Pinesol?”
P1: “Dude, I don’t care if you think you’re Peter Pan, people can’t fly.”
“Can too! Jus’ hafta think happy thoughts!”
P2: “See??? Puppies… Rainbows… My parents… My creepy Uncle Rob…”
P3: (WUMP!)
Hidden: Repressed memories typically aren’t that happy.
Alt: “This is the part where you clap your hands…”
P1:
Left- “This the worst pardy evar!”
Right- “Dude, Its not my party”
P2:
Left- “I’m leaving!”
P3:
Left- “…”
Hidden: “Now this is a party!”
Alt: “Can you get a DUI for flying drunk?”
P1: I’m gonna fucking kill you! Beer stealer!
P2: I’ll pick you up, like this!
P3: And then make you eat the floor, like this!
Alt-text: Beer anti-theft systems.
Hidden panel: And then leave you in agony, like this!
Red haired guy, panel one.
” Dude I can totally fly right now, I’m TELLING YOU!”
Purple Shirt: ” No, you’re just drunk, stupid…”
Panel 2: Red hair ” WHO’S STUPID NOW!!”
Panel 3 Purple shirt ( thought bubble ) ” Yup, still you…”
Mouseover text ” And you spilled the rest of the beer… ”
Hidden comic: ” Well at least this saves on my upcoming plastic surgery…”
P1: Drunk: I can dance! I know, I know how to superman a ho…
Friend: That’s not…please don’t.
P2: Drunk: I’M CHRISTOPHER REEVE!
P3: Friend: …Sounds about right.
Hidden: He probably wishes he had gone with Dean Cain.
P1 – “Hey, wheresh your beer?”
“I don’t drink, but sometimes I’ll take recreational drugs”
P2 – “Not cool man. Drugs will mess you up and make you think you can fly.”
P3 – Blank.
Hidden: Donovan attempts an intervention.
Alt: The 7.5 from the Russian judge may cost him the gold medal.
1
A – I think you’re an alcoholic, Keith.
K – I don’t care what you think!
2
K – We only have so much time on this planet and I’ll be darned if I won’t go for short-term happiness.
3
K – I’m an alcoholic.
Hidden
K – My face just killed like four ants.
ALT TEXT: It was five ants.
P1:
Keith: *Holding his word bubble between bottle and finger* “Ha! This thing has been following me around for as long as I remember, but I’ve finally caught it!”
Andy: “Umm, are you sure it’s a good idea to mess with those?”
P2:
Andy: *Floating on word bubble from previous panel, the tail of which drapes from Andy’s hand and wraps around his leg* “Nonsense! We’ve served as hosts for these floating word balloons, its time they pay their due.”
P3: *In this panel, the word bubble Andy was floating on has floated to the ceiling, pulling up his arm and leg. His other word bubble is wrapped around his knee, pulling Andy up as well.*
Alt Text: VIVA LA REVOLUTION!
Hidden Panel: “This one will make a worthy sacrifice.”
P1:
L: Drinking this beer will be our first step to popularity!
R:Are you sure man? I don’t think so.
P2
L: Come one dude, start planking all the cool kids are doing it!
P3
L: YOLO
Hidden: “My SWAG is off the charts”
Alt/Hover text: Maybe Tebowing would’ve been better.
P1:
-Dude, we gotta move out. This house is haunted!
-You are just drunk man.
P2: Ah, gawd! The ghost is performing a cavity search!
P3: I think I need a beer…
Alt: If it wasnt a ghost, a psycho-chiropractor was around.
Hidden: Hey, my back doesnt hurt anymore!
P1: “Be the eagle?”
“BE THE EAGLE!”
P2: “ScraWWw!!”
P3: Silence
Hidden: “If I’d pulled it off you’d have shit yourself.”
Alt Text: Don’t question patriotism.
P1: Andy: Planking is totally out. You’d look like a dork, if you did it.
Keith: Pfrt… I’ll show ya
P2: Keith: And?! Do I look like an idiot?!
P3:
hover text: Well, this could be a new trend.
alt:
p1: Andy: you think you’re better thank copperfield.
Keith: you doubt?!
p2: see. *hrmpf* i’m flo*ow*ating.
p3:
One Pic alt:
I’m sorry I’m stagefright
P1:
Black guy: “You do realize the inevitability of you faceplanting the floor by the end of this comic, right?”
White guy: “Who are you to threaten me with metaphysical contraints?”
P2:
White guy: “Embrace my free will, you deterministic asshole!”
P3:
White guy: “I hate existing inside a linear storytelling medium”
Hidden:
White guy: “I’m also not a fan of having to stay in this position for the sake of this hidden comic”
Alt text:
At least he didn’t ask him to free and embrace his willy. That might have influenced the course of events.
(Feel free to tighten up the phrasing if it improves anything.)
P1: L: *hic* And your floor looks disgusting!
R: This is your house
P2: L: It’s like you’ve never swept… I’m not touching the floor
P3: L: Quick, grab my drink!
Alt Text: 5 second rule
Hidden: Smells like dirt too
P1:
L: Red Bull is overrated. Who needs wings when you’ve got beer?
P2:
L: See what beer can do for you and no stupid wings.
P3:
L: mmphhmph
R: It was a sweet flip until you hit your face.
Alt: Beer it gives you bruises you don’t remember
Hidden: Energy from beer is the best, you never feel pain.
**WARNING: References to The Walking Dead**
http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/512439-the-walking-dead
P1
L — NO! *hic* Our readers should do the stuff!
R — *Wordless shock*
P2
L — THIIIIIII
P3
L — IIIIINGS
Hidden: If you’re black and on The Walking Dead, be careful!
Alt: The real joke is Andrew Lincoln’s small vocabulary.
P1- ginger: and superheroes? I’m pretty sure they’re not even real – watch this.
P2- ginger: Oh, hey, invisagirl, hold me up!
P3- ginger: see what I mean?
hover text: superheroes are assholes.
Panel1
Andy: “Listen, listen, man, listen! All I’m saying is that gymnastics are lame. It’s nothing but a drunk four-year-olds running around, dressed like dinosaurs, and crying when I take my pants off!”
Keith: “Dude, go home. You’re drunk. And you have no idea what gymnastics is.”
Panel2
Andy: “It’s just a buncha’ twirls, and twists, and flips, like this…”
Keith: “Hey, that’s actually pretty good…”
Panel3
Andy: “Did I stick the landing?”
Alt Text
“I thought it was pretty good. But that French guy hated it.”
Hidden Comic
Andy: “Well, have impressed you yet? Have I?! I don’t care! YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER! -sob-“
P1: Flattop: “Dude. Just sit in the chair.”
Ginger: “No!”
P2: Ginger: “I don’t follow society’s rules! I’ll sit how I want!”
P3: Ginger: “The face is an underrated sitting surface.”
Hidden: “Pain is just alternative comfort.”
Alt: “In your face, The Man! Or mine. In someone’s face.”
Like it 😀
P1:
Left – What Do you think you’re my fairy god mother?!
Right – Ahhh………?
P2
Left – Look at me I’m a fairy God mother. Look at me flying around granting wishes and stuff
P3
Left – Loser
Hidden: He is in fact his fairy godmother
Alt: Where is my enchanted animal friend? HUH?!
P1: Left guy: Look at me when I’m talking to you!
Right guy: I’m looking at you man…
P2: Left guy: Why are you doing this so difficult? just look at me man!
P3: Are you looking at me? I can’t really tell because you are making it so difficult…
Hover Text (or the one that is first) Please don’t look at me.
Alt text: It’s difficult no to.
P1
L: Oh yeah! Well your MOM has been pissing off the Indian spirits haunting this house!
R: Dude, my mom is dead, and 1/16th Cherokee.
P2
Right, and I suppose she drank herself to death.
P3
*blank*
Alt-text: Her body may be gone but her spirit lives on, abusing people.
Hidden: It’s weird that you still live with your parents.
P1 Andy “Wonka didn’t leave you the factory?”
Keith “That turd . . .”
P2 Keith “He accused me of stealing stuff.”
P3 Keith “But my lawyer thinks I have a case”
Alt: Class action against fizzy lifting drink
Hidden: Have you or a loved one been hurt by a sadistic confectioner?
P1: Charlie I think you’ve had enough.
Fuuckk youuu pal, nobody tells me when i’m done.
P2: I can do anything. Now Go!
P3: I said “Good Day Sir”
Hover: Charlie Bucket was hooked after the first drop.
Hidden: Fuck You Wonka!!
P1: Andy – Dude, there’s no way being drunk will allow you to fly.
Keith – Oh yeah!? I’ll prove it to you.
P2: Keith – See! If I was sober there’s no way I could be doing this
P3: Keith – If I was sober that would have hurt.
Text: He’s kind of a lightweight.
Hidden: If I was sober I wouldn’t even have tried this.
P1
Left: No, YOUR life is full of regrets!
Right: …I didn’t say anything?
P2
Left: Look, I can still have fun! Haha! Look how much fun I’m having!
P3
Left: Okay. You’re right. I need help.
Right: I still haven’t said anything.
Hidden: Sometimes silence is the best advice. Also self-help books and proper therapy.
Alt: What’s that? I should call my father and forgive him? Man, it’s like you can peer right into my soul.
True ASP style my friend.
P1:
L: I don’t care if you don’t believe me, but I invented an anti-gravity potion and I’m going to fly my ass home no matter what you say.
R: Look man, I just don’t think it’s safe. Let me call you a cab.
P2:
L: See! Fuck you and your laws of physics! I’m a god among insects.
P3:
L: OK you may be right about me being too drunk to fly home.
Alt text:
With great power, comes a great excuse to party.
Hidden:
But friends don’t let friends levitate and drive.
P1: Left: You should be proud to be Sherpa Tenzing in this expedition.
Right: He wasn’t black.
P2: “Oooo… I don’t want to help the white man climb this mountain because I’m a different skin color. ” Pansy.
P3: Omph… I bet Sir Edmund didn’t have to deal with this racial nonsense. Or a broken nose.
Hidden: Now go Sherpa me a new beer or I’m summitting you next.
Alt text: More like, you’re norGAY!
There is a lack of Mt Everest related jokes on the internet.
P1 Jimi Hendrix is buried under the kitchen floor.
P2 I really loved him, so…
P3 Excuse me while I kiss this guy.
Alt text When I heard this, I was floored.
P1
Purple shirt – Uh, I really don’t think that is the same soda from the movie.
Striped shirt – What do you know.
P2
Striped shirt – See, I’m already starting to float and without that huge fan there is absolutely no dang….
P3
Striped Shirt – …er
Alt text:
“There is no life I know to compare with the reality of gravity”
Hidden:
Stripped Shirt – Where is my damn Oompa Loompa song?
P1: “That guy is copying my every move!” “You’re pointing at a mirror.”
P2: “Let’s see him copy this!”
P3: “…OK, he’s pretty good.”
Hidden: “Please call us both an ambulance.”
Alt Text: “No more root beer for you.”
P1: Keith: Didn’t you hear that Yoga teacher? Invisible strings hold us all up!
P2: Keith: Watch THIS!
P3: Keith: See, the string around my feet connects me to the stars.
Hidden: Keith: This position is great for my Chi.
Alt: Feel the energy flooding into your body.
P1: (right) “Hey man, I think you’ve had enough.” (left) “No, you know what? I”m glad Karen broke up with me.”
P2: (left) “I didn’t want to move in with her anyway. Or marry her. Or have kids with her. Or –”
P3:
Hidden: “KARRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (heavy sobbing)
P1
I’m telling you, redbull and vodka doesn’t just give you wings, it gives you drunken wings!
Prove it.
P2
See?
P3
burrrrp…
Hidden
At least I didn’t hit the fans this time.
Alt: I won the bet, now where’s my $50?
P1:
(Keith) Dude, thish shtuff ish da bommm…
(Andy) Keith, you’ve had one too many…again…
P2:
(Keith) I cud be a shtealf *hic*craft an’ drop napalm all ofer the dezzer an’ be a war hero pilot wiff a kewl medal an’–
P3:
> splut <
Or you could simply auger in…
Hover Text: Chuck Yeager called it "screwing the pooch."
Ned: Why the hell is a ghost coming out of your crotch?!
Ed: What? I’ve never heard of a crotch ghost.
Ned: Now it’s levitating me. Classic crotch-ghost behavior.
Ed: I’ve never seen anything like…
Ed: Oh now face planting, that I’ve seen. My butt phantom Fred does it all the time.
Title text: We all know crotch ghosts and butt plantoms are often confused, what with the passing through bodies and all.
?: If only my bladder wight was here to protect me…
P1. Dicks.
P2. Dicks!
P3. Dicks?
Hidden. And that’s how I came out to my parents.
Alt text. Publishing this was a huge boner
P1 –
Andy: “It’s a club, Keith. You can’t come, because you can’t dance.”
Keith: “Fuck you, racist! I can dance! Observe.”
P2 –
Keith: “Jealous?”
P3 –
Andy: “Yeah…real jealous.”
Keith: “It’s a b-boy freeze, dick……Anyway, have a nice night.”
Hidden: “I can’t jump either…”
Alt: “Roger” and Omarion would be disgusted.
All dialogue said by “floaty red-head on left”. No dialogue on third panel.
P1: If I was drunk,
P2: could I do this?
P3: [no dialogue]
Alt: This is a PSA. And a metaphor. Think about it for a minute.
Hidden: More beer please.
Looks like ewout (http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/2013/04/do-our-work-for-us-contest/?replytocom=62498#comment-62295) beat me to this joke. But mine’s still better cause there’s less words.
P1
Gravity, I defy you!
But, that’s a law of physics.
P2
Break’n the law! Break’n the law!
P3
Ooof! Curse you physics!
alt
Physics 1/Booze 0
hidden
I didn’t mean it physics, you know you’ll always be my true love.
P1
Spain is the capital of Mexico!
P2
Everything is better with mayonnaise!
P3
THAT’S THE POWER OF OXICLEAN!
Alt
…BITCH!
Hidden
FRAAAAAAAAAAAANK
P1
R: I’m pretty sure you can’t fly.
L: You aren’t the boss of me!
P2
L: Bam! Now look who’s flying, bitch!
P3
Silence
Alt-text: Kids, this is why you don’t drink and fly.
Hidden: I should have drank Redbull-Vodkas instead of beer.
I figured this would make more sense this way than if I wrote it down.
http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e101/MoMunk/comic_zpsa84cd56d.jpg?t=1365794454
Hidden:
http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e101/MoMunk/hidden_zps8c1d7f82.jpg?t=1365794457
P1:
–Keith: I’m tired of you keepin’ me down, Andy. It’s time I spread my wings and fly away.
–Andy: What?
P2:
— Keith: “Think of the happiest things/It’s the same as having wings/Take a path–”
P3:
–Keith: “… And through the gate/If the moon is still awake.”
Hovertext: Second star to the right, and straight on till flooring.
Hidden Comic:
–Keith: By the way, can I have some rent money? I spent all mine on pixie dust.
P1 – Left: I can drive better drunk
Right: You can barely stand
P2 – Left: Oh yeah? Observe
P3 –
Hidden – See? Can’t do that sober
1st Panel:
White Guy: I’ve invented a new sport! And it’s only for people with beers! Drunk Balancing!
Black Guy: John, you know I’m a recovering alcoholic.
2nd Panel:
White Guy: OOOOH, look at me! Drunk Balancing champion! You didn’t even qualify!
Black Guy: ….
3rd Panel:
White Guy: …new sport…. drunk face smashing….
Black Guy: ….
Alt-Text: His brain aneurysm only got him the silver medal.
Hidden Text: I could jerk it behind this picture and no one would…. shit.
Well okay, here is mine:
P1:
L: That guy at the store was so nice, he gave me this free beer.
R: Dude, I think that was Satan.
P2:
L: Don’t be ridiculous, the devil doesn’t exists.
P3:
L: This is totally normal when I’m drunk.
Alt. text: The only thing preventing your soul being dragged to hell… is the floor.
Hidden comic: This can be easily explained scientifically. Gravity altering beer! Yeah, that sounds right.
P1
Left: *hic* With the power of my magic beer, I am *hic* Ghost Man!
Right: You’re not a ghost. That’s not magic. More reasons.
P2
L: I don’t hafta listen to you, I can just *hic* hover away! So long, sucke–
P3
*thud*
Alt: Maybe if I try phasing through the wall *thud*
Hidden: MAGIC BEER™ (Warning: Not magic.)
P1:
Keith : I’m telling you, everyone out there is going to love my party trick!
Andy : Show it to me first, just in case.
P2: Keith: OK, so I get up on the chair like this… then I use my finely-toned core muscles to–
P3: Andy : Is this part of the trick?
Keith : I can work it in.
Alt text: The next part of the trick is you take me to the hospital.
Hidden :
Keith : Hey ladies. Like what you see?
P1:
L: You’ll see that my contest is going to be great!
P2:
L: People will have the chance to be creative. Floating things and all that stuff…
P3:
R: You want the people to do your work for free, right?
L: Eternal glory, I’d say.
Alt. text: Did I win?
Hidden comic: I love eternal glory.
P1
Andy – Why are you so angry?
Kieth – I’m not angry, I haven’t been able to control my body all day.
P2
Kieth – I mean look at this, I couldn’t even to this myself if I tried.
P3
No dialog
Alt:
Did you even notice the life and death cereal?
Hidden:
Kieth – It has not been a good day.
P1:
Left: Time to settle this bet, my genuine Fizzy Lifting Drink has arrived.
P2:
Left: I’m a plaaaaaaane!
P3:
Right: Must have gone flat…
Alt:
You can fly to the moon this way.
Hidden:
Pay Up!
What do you mean “First Annual” contest? Don’t we comment on / do their work for them every week?
P1:
L: You know what the problem with anti-gravity is?
R: Jerks who don’t appreciate it?
P2:
L: It only ever gets you like 4 feet off the ground, then it drops you on your ass.
P3:
R: Or your face.
Alt text: Think happy thoughts!
Hidden comic: Hey I found a penny!
P1:
Keith – Andy, I think you had enough.
Andy – You think I’m drunk? I’ll show you drunk.
P2:
Andy – How about this? Huh?
P3: [no dialog]
Alt: Wop!
Hidden: Seen enough?
P1. Left- It is totally possible to plank in mid-air!
Right- I really don’t think it is.
Left- Oh yeah! Watch me!
P2. Left-See!
P3. Don’t judge me!
Alt.- He was drinking milk.
Hidden- I bet I could Tebow in mid air.
-Panel 1-
LEFT: Don’t push me, man. ‘Cause I’ll throw down right now.
RIGHT: Be my guest.
-Panel 2-
LEFT: AMERICA’S NEXT TOP SEAGULL, BITCH!!!
-Panel 3-
LEFT: Nailed it.
-Hidden Panel-
“Of course, you have to picture me in a bikini.”
-ALT Text-
“Judged categories: Talent, poise, comfortability defecating in a public environment…”
P1:
Left: Having a small penis has its advantages too man
Right: …
P2:
Left: Look it doesn’t get in the way when I do this!
Right: …
P3:
Left: …
Right: But Large ones have advantages too. See I just knocked you down.
Alt: AND AVERAGE GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!
Hidden: Thats the last time I balance on a chair with out my strap-on tri-pod
P1 Superman flew because he believed he could fly!
Pretty sure it was Kryptonian physiology.
P2. Can krypgaylian whatevs compare with 36 Heinekens?
P3. Ah. So. No. Didn’t know you could get tooth rash….
Panel 1:
left: Look at your stupid dick
right: dude don’t fucking make fun of my dick
Panel 2:
Ooh I’m so scared of being levitated in the air by the big shot esper
Panel 3:
Ooh the ground I’m quaking in my boots really
no title text
hidden panel:
I’m just FRIGHTENED by broken noses ooh
P1:
Keith: You know what your problem is?
Andy: What?
Keith: You think you can use your telekinetic powers to weasel your way out of anything, well not today!
P2:
Keith: For today you have underestimated the power of responsibility, the power to admit that you are not perfect!
P3:
*CRACK*
Keith: OW! It must hurt pretty bad knowing that you’re in the wrong!
Alt text: “My wise old Uncle tried to teach me something about responsibility before he died, it was pretty hard to hear over all of the awesome telekinesis I was throwing at him.
Hidden: Of course I could fight back with my heat vision, but the air on the high road smells pretty sweet…and sort of like floor polish.
P1: White Dude “I’m so pointing at your dick!”
P2: White Dude “Now I’m floating like some kind of lame superman.”
P3: Black Dude Thinks “This is why we don’t let fans write the jokes.”
Alt: Black Dude “I could probably make a bath salts joke…”
Hidden: “Well this is how I do the moon walk!” with emphasis on the “I”
P1: LOOKOUT! A ghost is trying to kiss your penis!
P2: OH NO! He’s flying into my butt now!
P3: QUICKLY! Suck the ghost out with your mouth!
Hidden: Ok, wait, try and lure it into your butt by rubbing your butt on my butt.
Alt: …and so ended Egon and Winston’s professional relationship.
Panel 1 (keith): “stop….”
Panel 2 (keith): HAMMERTIME
Panel 3: blank
Hover Text: Nailed It.
Hidden Comic: draw andy dressed like this:http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lD-M1vVEva4/TYOPwyclmiI/AAAAAAAAAIw/_jdy1-mqQIM/s1600/MC-Hammer-picture2.jpg
P1: Andy: “Dude, there’s no way you could be an Olympic gymnast.”
Keith: “Show’s what you know. I got skills!”
P2: Keith: “O yeah, look at this grace. I’m like a freakin’ majestic butterfly!”
P3: Keith: “I think I just broke my everything.”
Alt: His tolerance for Root Beer is shockingly low.
Hidden: Keith: “Nailed it.”
P1:
Andy – Dude, pull my finger!
Keith – No way! Last time it smelled like rotting corpses for days!
P2:
Andy – Gas.building.up.
P3:
Andy – Browned my pants..
Might’ve switched Andy and Keith.
P1:
Left character – I can’t believe you prefer science over religion.
P2:
Left character – Can your precious science do this?
Alt: Yes, yes it can.
Hidden: I bet this never happened to Gandhi.
Where it says doing, it should be making, and where it says difficult no to, should be difficult not to.
Sorry, english not my first language.
P1
Andy: Holy shit, dude! You’re choking! Let me give you the heimlich!
Keith: hack gag bleeeaurgh! (*no way! you’re not certified, I’ll do it myself!)
P2
Andy: Um. Maybe I could call 911?
Keith: UUUURRRNGRUNGEAH! (*that’s part of the whole emergency response training thing, which you would know if you were qualified to be calling 911 for me!)
P3
Andy: I’m just gonna play it like I didn’t just see this go down.
HIDDEN:
Ha. Trying to give me medical help without going through the proper training and licensing first. I could have wound up even more dead!
Instant ghost! Just add stringy food!
1st: I refuse to submit to the laws of your gravity, Newton! I learned how to fly!
Um, I’m not-
2nd: All you have to do is fall at the ground and miss. See?
3rd: (Nothing)
Alt-text: Like all long-distance relationships, the hardest part is missing her.
Hidden: The gravity of this situation is lost on you people, isn’t it?
P1
right: just give me the money
left: WHAT?! I’m done whit you man, i´m going home
P2
left: and don’t follow me
P3
left: please tell me i’m wearing pants
P1:
Keith: I told you, Aquaman is more realistic.
Andy: No way. There’s a Superman in all of us!
P2:
Andy: Told ya! IN ALL OF US!
P3:
*THUD*
ALT:
I actually prefer Marvel.
Hidden:
Wonder woman is just soooo hot.
P1:
Andy – ‘Do our work for us’!?! Just when I thought this comic couldn’t get any worse, they go and pull this lazy crap? Seriously, who the hell do these guys think they are?
Keith – Hey man, you might want to watch what your saying.
P2:
Andy – Oh come on, it’s not like they’re some kind of omnipotent force controlling our every move. If they had that kind of power, they could have at least come up with something better than an existential goldfish for their debut.
P3:
Andy – And don’t even get me started on the lack of fart jokes.
Alt:
Never underestimate the power of the artist.
Hidden:
That’s it, I’m submitting my resume at Cyanide and Happiness.
Panel 1:
(black guy) Hey man, I think you should lay off the booze.
(white guy) You can’t tell me what to do! Only God can tell me what to do!
Panel 2:
(white guy) See? This is a sign that I should keep drinking.
Panel 3:
(blank)
Hidden panel:
(white guy) I’m gonna keep drinking, anyways.
Alt text:
We cannot be held responsible for the words of these cartoon characters.
P1: Whadda mean I have no super powers? Watch me tell time with my face!
P2: It’s three…
P3: Thirty.
Alt: Wanna be my sidekick?
Hidden: I have impure thoughts about seaweed.
P1: “Whitey can’t jump!”
“Yes he can!”
P2: See?!
P3: No dialogue
Hidden: “Shit”
Alt: No it’s ok, I can say “whitey” because I _am_ white
p1 want 2 c my bely button??!
p2 here it cums
p3 this is it
P1
L: Your Penis is tiny!
P2
L: …tiny like a little bird…
P3
L: ….I love beer.
R: I hate you so much.
Alt: I miss my cat.
Hidden: Will you marry me?
P1: Ginger: What you think I could have played Superman?
P2: Ginger: Faster than a speeding bullet and all that shit!
P3: Black guy: I don’t know about your Superman, but your Christopher Reeves horseback riding is spot on man.
Hidden: It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It better be wheelchair accessible…
Alt: Who knew beer was my Kryptonite?…
P2:
Andy – Gas. Rising.
P1:
keith: ghosts don’t exist!
andy: you shouldn’t say that, if there’s a ghost in here, it could hear you.
P2:
keith: so what? what would a ghost even do to me? pick me up and drop me on my-
(P3 is blank)
Alt text: -butt?
Hidden: Just kidding, I’m just really drunk!
P1:
Andy – You know what really grinds my gears? Bronies.
Keith – But ponies can fly. That makes them cooler than you.
P2:
Andy – Big fucking deal. I could fly if I wanted.
P3:
Andy – See? Easy peasy.
Alt Text: Don’t try this at home. Or do. We don’t care.
Hidden Comic (similar in design to panel one):
Keith – Bronies are also gay.
Andy – Bend over.
P1: L – Duuuuude… I can totally fly
R – No way man you are just super drunk
L – I CAN PROVE IT!
P2: L – I ASCEND!
P3: R – Nice landing
L – …I never said gracefully!
(alt text): I beliiiieeeve I can flyyyyy!
(hidden): I just wanted to be loved *sobs*
P1:
ANDY – This is what it’s like to make love to your mother!
KEITH – Aw man, c’mon, that’s not right!
P2:
ANDY – No, listen! You just get on top like this.
P3:
ANDY – And then she wakes up and throws you on the floor.
Hidden:
ANDY – That’s what your dad told me, anyway.
Alt Text: Aw yeah!
fixed….
P1:
KEITH – This is what it’s like to make love to your mother!
ANDY – Aw man, c’mon, that’s not right!
P2:
KEITH – No, listen! You just get on top like this.
P3:
KEITH – And then she wakes up and throws you on the floor.
Hidden:
KEITH – That’s what your dad told me, anyway.
Alt Text: Aw yeah!
P1:
ANDY – You know that was utter bullshit!
KEITH – Aw man, c’mon, not this again, we saw it three weeks ago.
P2:
ANDY – No, listen! Bernie is dead and they just put him in any position they want like a puppet.
P3:
ANDY – In real life, Bernie wouldn’t stay in any of those positions.
KEITH – It was just a movie, dude.
Hidden:
ANDY – Plus, Bernie’s corpse would have soiled himself, just like this.
Alt Text: And over the course of a weekend, he’d go through rigor mortis and start to bloat up with death gases too!
fixed…
P1:
KEITH – You know that was utter bullshit!
ANDY – Aw man, c’mon, not this again, we saw it three weeks ago.
P2:
KEITH – No, listen! Bernie is dead and they just put him in any position they want like a puppet.
P3:
KEITH – In real life, Bernie wouldn’t stay in any of those positions.
ANDY – It was just a movie, dude.
Hidden:
KEITH – Plus, Bernie’s corpse would have soiled himself, just like this.
Alt Text: And over the course of a weekend, he’d go through rigor mortis and start to bloat up with death gases too!
P1 Keith “Oh yeah, well you’re about as useful as one of those long Tetris pieces if you lay it horizontally!”
p2 Keith “Oh, look at me, I’m Andy.”
p3 Keith “Fucking burn.”
Alt- Tetris based burns are the best kind of burns.
Hidden I bet he’ll never challenge ME to an old videogame insult based drinking game again!
P1:
Andy: Dude, I think you’re drunk.
Keith: I’ll show you drunk!
P2:
Andy: How the hell are you doing that?
Keith: Screw your physics!
P3:
Andy: Seriously how’d you do that?
Keith: SCREW PHYSICS!
Hidden:
SCREW. PHYSICS!
ALT:
Now to go try that on the balcony!
Rats, got Andy and Keith mixed up… again. Well, you can reverse those 2 I just posted, I hope. If not, remind people I suck.
P1:
KEITH – This light beer is for fairies!
ANDY – What? I just bought that sixer.
P2:
KEITH – I’m telling you, drink this shit you float like a fairy.
P3:
SOUND EFFECT – Wham!
ANDY – I guess it wasn’t light *enough*.
Hidden:
Fairy Ale, now with 20% more fairy wings in every bottle.
Alt Text:
KEITH – Damn you, misleading Superbowl ad!
fixed…
P1:
KEITH – This light beer is for fairies!
ANDY – What? I just bought that sixer.
P2:
KEITH – I’m telling you, drink this shit you float like a fairy.
P3:
SOUND EFFECT – Wham!
ANDY – I guess it wasn’t light *enough*.
Alt Text:
Fairy Ale, now with 20% more fairy wings in every bottle.
Hidden:
KEITH – Damn you, misleading Superbowl ad!
P1:
KEITH – I’m gonna do it!
ANDY – Stop it. You’ve had too much to drink.
P2:
KEITH – Here I go, get the steam iron and the laundry!
P3:
SOUND EFFECT – Wham!
KEITH – Damnit, wrinkled shirts again for us.
Hidden:
I told you Keith, this doesn’t count as you doing your part of the chores.
Alt Text:
KEITH – My dad used to do this for my mom all the time. But then again, they were degenerate perverts so that was probably more sick role play.
fixed…
P1:
KEITH – I’m gonna do it!
ANDY – Stop it. You’ve had too much to drink.
P2:
KEITH – Here I go, get the steam iron and the laundry!
P3:
SOUND EFFECT – Wham!
KEITH – Damnit, wrinkled shirts again for us.
Alt Text:
I told you Keith, this doesn’t count as you doing your part of the chores.
Hidden:
KEITH – My dad used to do this for my mom all the time. But then again, they were degenerate perverts so that was probably more sick role play.
Crap, my last 2 had their Hidden and Alts swapped. I suck, it’s official.
P1:
Keith: Dude, no offense, but you’re just not yourself when you drink.
Andy: What the hell does that mean? I’m completely in control.
P2:
Andy: See? I’m…I’m totally doing this on purpose.
P3:
Narrator: From then on Andy never felt the cold refreshing taste of beer again. Or his face.
Secret Panel:
Andy: I’m tasting either my pride or cat urine. I’m not sure if I should swallow.
Whoops, forgot about the Alt text. Please change my P3 “dialogue” to the alt text. P3 can remain blank.- thanks. =)
p1: hey wes look
p2: we are so lazy now we’re giving our viewers to do our job for us!
p3: yeah, we suck
hp: blubhubhubluh
ht: this comic is made despite wes being lazy while tony was gay
P1: Keith – “No drinking and driving? Well what about drinking and flying?!:
P2: Keith – “No one’s harmed by flyings while drunk!”
P3: Keith – “Not…. A… Word…”
Hidden: Keith – “Don’t suppose you’d be willing to argue the dangers of drinking and head standing?”
Alt text: “The worst part is that’s Root Beer.”
P1: I can be anything I want!
I’m telling you, you can’t be a beer float.
P2: This is a beer, and I’m floating! Beer-
P3: [blank]
Hidden: I didn’t know a fall could make you colourblind…
Alt: FLOAT!
P1:
Keith – I bet you can’t levitate me with your cock!
Andy – Lets find out! One
P2:
Andy – Two
P3:
Andy – Three
Hidden – I keep forgetting about his Viagra induced dick powers.
Alt – Mind over matter or schlong over matter
P1:
Andy – You’re not one of those idiots who planks are you?
Keith – What’s planking?
P2:
*blank
P3:
Keith – No, not one of those idiots.
Hidden:
Andy – Good, I hate those guys.
Alt: You’ve never heard of bukakke? Here, hold my beer.
P1: Fizzy lifting drink! I asked for a root beer.
P2: Great, now what am I going to do?
P3: Billy Wonka…..
Alt: DIET-Billy Wonka
Hidden: *****PPPFFffffFFFTtttTTTTTT*****
P1: then i said to him; no YOUR mother was the badger
P2: …and thats when superman showed up flying like his was *hic* fukkin SUPERMAN or somthin….
P3: and then i woke up without clothes in the sewer
alt: better then what happened to him YESTERDAY
hidden: well ive lost my friends and my dignity… nothing more booze cant fix
Panel 1: Keith-“Well, look at you with the ‘Amazing Super Powers’!”
Andy-“I don’t have…”
Panel 2: Keith-“Well, I can fly too! See?”
Panel 3: Keith-“… You won’t escape from me next time Dr. Gravity!”
Alt Text: “Super Paralysis, activate!”
Hidden Comic: Keith-“I’ve fallen flat on my face, just like all of my heros”
P1 – White guy – I’m telling you man, me and her are gonna get married.
Black guy – Dude, you’re drunk. Just stop it.
P2 – White guy – No way! You’re just jealous!
P3 – White guy – Come here honey! *kissing sound effects*
Black guy – (in a thought bubble) Should I be scared that he’s marrying the floor or that he’s magically floating to kiss her?
Hidden – Hot floor action!
Alt – …or that he’s given inanimate objects genders?
P1:” It’s just like writing a web comic, no skill involved.”
P2: “Anyone can do it”
Alt text: “does this part have to be witty too?”
Hidden: “Reading through all the comments was much more painful”
P1:
Keith: I’m giving you three seconds to prove you’re not a witch! One.
P2:
Keith: Two
P3:
Blank
Alt text: Most people have stopped making witch accusations.
Hidden: Okay, you can borrow my broom.
P1
Keith – What’s the deal with planking? It’s not that hard.
Andy – You realize no one planks anymore. We realize everyone that did it was completely idiotic.
P2
Keith – See! I’m the new internet sensation! I can do anyth-
P3 is blank
Alternate Text – Wait till he learns about snailing.
Hidden Comic – My face feels painful and cracked in multiple places. Like a plank. Heh… I’m bleeding to death.
Panel 1:
Andy: I got my pilots license today.
Keith: So? I can be a pilot too!
Panel 2:
Keith: See? I can drink like a pilot, I can fly like a pilot…
Panel 3:…And I can land like one.
Alternate text: I need a new license anyway. Hope I don’t loose points for spilling my beer.
Hidden comic: NAILED IT!
P1: Look out, it’s a pink elephant!
P2: Don’t worry I’ve been wrestling these since I was five.
P3: It’s weird being the only one at a party not drinking.
Alt: Now we know how the other elephants felt watching Dumbo
Hidden: Is it still a piggy back if you’re riding a hallucinated elephant?
I noticed that there was only one other one having to do with psychic powers (at the time I posted this anyway).
P1
Keith – “…And another thing, I’m tired of you abusing your psychic powers just because you’re angry at me! That’s not cool!”
P2
Keith – *Gurk*
P3
*FWOMP*
Alt: Psychics do not show their anger…except through brutality.
Hidden: Keith – Fine, I’m sorry for drinking the last beer.
P1 “I don’t believe you, man. You’re being too dramatic.”
“I was there! The engine blew up; jumped out of the plane.”
P2 “Going down at speed that you can’t possibly imagine. Limbs flapping and twisting to the wind”
P3 “Then, fell head first and shattered a good future… And that’s how I witnessed my father’s death from the ground.”
Hidden “Also, my mother died in a chair balancing act. So, I just showed you two stories.”
Alt “That’s how he was born, too”
P1
Keith: What the heck, man! This is the worst beer I’ve ever–
Andy: You got that out of my fridge? I’ve been meaning to tell you…
P2
Keith: Is this gonna be another lame story about demons possessing your beers? ‘Cause I don’t wanna hear it!
P3
Keith: Don’t wanna hear it.
Andy: (thinking) Azathoth’s usually more dexterous than that.
ALT TEXT:
Always remember to exorcise your beer.
Hidden Comic:
(Keith floats with glowing eyes, Andy has a second bottle)
Keith: Doesn’t this foolish mortal take care of his body? You call this a–
Andy: No, but he does. If you’re not happy with him, here’s another bottle, I’ll invite Skip over. You’ll like him.
P1: No, you totally did not see my Mom doing the ol’ horizontal!
P2: Because it’s that time of the month
P3: …when she turns off the anti-gravity
alt text: I hate that time of the month
Hidden Comic: No, I have no idea how she funds her home renovations.
P1: *Blue shirt*:Dude, I’m telling you we’re using chairs all wrong!
*Purple shirt*: Oh really?
P2: *Blue shirt*: This is what the inventor of the chair had in mind all along, I don’t know why people got it wrong.
P3: *Purple shirt*: Mm-hmm.
P1: Stripes: You are the worst boyfriend.
P2: Stripes: Who WOULDN’T want do it mid-flight planking style?
Alt: I’m just too good for you. Far too good.
Bonus: Now what am I going to do with my Boeing costume?
P1:
Kieth- You Disgust Me.
Andy- Uh..
Kieth- That smug look of superiority.
P2:
Kieth- “I’m Andy, I’m above it all, I’m sober.” One day you’ll see, your world will come crashing…
P3:
Kieth: downngf.
Hidden:
That’s right, just stand there and mock me.
Alt: Andy does demand perfection.
P1-
Andy: Look, all I’m saying about the beer is–
Keith: Shut up. Shut up. I’m an adult.
P2-
Andy: But–
Keith: I’m an adult
P3-
Keith: I’M AN ADULT
Alt text: I was just going to say I find your irresponsible drinking habits to be a sign of maturity and that, as a friend, I am proud of you. You dick.
Hidden comic:
ZZZZZzzzzzzz
P1: leave blank
P2: leave blank
P3: leave blank
Alt Text: charades are hard
Hidden Comic: I’m gonna guess horrible AA sponsor
P1-
L: You know..*hic*..you know what my fa..*hic*..favorite childhood game was? The flo..*hic*..the floor is lava.
R: Great, but I only asked what it was you were drinking.
P2 –
L: You’re on fire!
R: *blank*
P3 –
L: Annow sosmafashe (and now, so is my face).
Alt – Think of the children!
Hidden –
L: Oh, anapplejoosh. (Oh, and apple juice).
p1: Keith -“Now that you got a date, I got to teach you how to have sex with a woman.”
Andy -“Um… Ok.”
p2: Keith -“First, you want to get on top of her gently, almost like you’re floating above her.
p3: blank
Alt text: “Why are you telling me this? I’ve had way more sex than you will ever have.
Hidden: “This has actually ended better than most of my times.”
Panel 1:
Standing while drinking is for women and *hic* Italians.
Panel 2:
Horizontal drinking makes the flavor stay inside my mouth.
Panel 3:
But sometimes the flavor goes back out my mouth.
Hidden Comic:
Plus, Italians can’t see you when your not standing up, so you gain the upper hand.
Alt Text:
This is real science by actual people who visited a college one time.
[Panel 1]
Andy: Pretty sure synchronized swimming works better with water to swim in.
Keith: No, stupid. My way is safer because you can’t drown!
[Panel 2]
(textless)
[Panel 3]
(textless)
[Alternate Text]
Why you shouldn’t drink and dive.
[Hidden Panel]
Keith: Help. I’m drowning in my blood.
Panel 1:
Black Guy (Andy?):
“… Valkyries..”
White guy (Keith?) interupts (angry):
“Not when Red Bull gives you wings!”
Panel 2:
White Guy:
“Exsanginate!”
Black Guy, thought Bubble:
“Red Bear gives you face splat.”
Panel 3:
No Text:
Alt Text:
“Valkyrie: Third Flying Under the Influence (FUI) offense this month. You’re being chained to Thor’s toilet. Again.”
Hidden Text:
“Real Wings formulae: 3 Parts Death Cereal + 1 Part Life Cereal + 2 Shots Rum151 + 1 pint Adult Female Virgin Blood, drunk while upside down, reading Ezekiel backwards while Jimi Hendrix’s Ghost plays Stairway to Heaven backwards.”
P1: guy with glasses: well, fuck you too!
P2: guy with glasses: BZZZzBBZZZzzZZBZZZzzz (bee sounds)
P3: guy with glasses: fuck
Hidden: HAHA, thats sad…
Alt: And no bees flew that day
P1:
– I think I finally found an effective pick-up line.
– Let’s hear it.
P2:
– Yo, babe. If I could do this without the chair, you’d be all over…
P3:
– …me. But I really need to not fall down, you see.
Alt: Or he’ll be the one picked up.
Hidden: I think I have glass in my eye… Psychedelic!
P1. Apparently, a lot of people read this comic.
P2. However, none of them are that funny.
P3. Let’s leave the dialogue to the artists.
Hidden. At least the fans aren’t drawing too.
Alt text. I think reading the submissions was a lot more work.
Should be: Exsanguinate!
P1: (left guy) whhaaaa??.. You’ve never heard of planking.
P2: (left guy) millions of people are doing it around the world… you just get up on a random object like this and…
P3: (right guy) yaaa, seems pretty cool.
P1: That’s just a racial stereotype!
P2: See? White people can balance on their pelvises too!
P3: And we are WAY better at making out with linoleum!
ALT: I think the floor roofied me.
HIDDEN: I like your perfume. Is that Pine-Sol?
P1
Keith: Dude, remember that game “The Floor is Lava”
Andy: Keith, just stop, you’re drunk.
P2
Keith: ANDY! You gotta move! You’re on fire Andy!
Andy: Stop it man, you’re only going to hurt yourself.
P3
Keith: The lava of failure burns. And I think my nose is broken.
Hidden
Heightened inebriation leads to thinking that the ground on which you stand is currently lava and you are the only thing in the room affected by it.
Alt Text
“The Floor is Lava” is a serious game.
P1
Keith: I mastered quantum physics, so where’s my five bucks?
Andy: I’m not paying until you prove it.
P2
Keith: Superposition! Right now I’m both flying and *not* flying! Which one do you see?
P3
Andy (thinking): Phew, I was afraid he put LSD in my cereal again.
Alt text
Birds of a feather trip together.
Hidden comic
Keith: Right now I’m both concussed and *not* concussed!
Panel 1:
Andy: Dude, you’re not a tetris piece, you’re just drunk.
Keith: Yeah?! I’ll show you!
Panel 2:
Keith: Rotate!
Panel 3:
Keith: “Fall do…”*thud*
Alt: Do tetris pieces hurt when they land?
Hidden: Picture of tetris piece falling into place. “Ow!!! My face!!!
P1:
– You know what I’d do if I had super powers?
– What?
P2:
– Screw you, humanity! I’m outta here!
P3:
– Karma needs some spanking as well.
Alt: Karma is a super villain; and, a cocky one at that.
Hidden: I’ll only take my laptop. Need to travel light!
P1: (Right) No way were you an Olympic diver.
P1: (Left) Was so! I’ll prove it. Won a silver medal with this one.
P2: [no text]
P3: (Right) Eh. I’d give it a 7.
Alt: You could have just shown me the medal.
Hidden: (Right) Now way you won a medal for bobsledding, either.
Hidden: (Left) GET ME A SKATEBOARD AND SOME ROCKETS.
Alright. This one won’t count for obvious reasons. (I figured it was the next logical step to doing your work for you.) Anyway, I thought I’d put it up just for fun.
[Panel 1]
Andy: So how do we decide who gets the last beer?
Keith: HUMAN COIN TOSS!
[Panel 2]
Keith: HEADS!
[Panel 3]
(textless)
[Alt Text]
He makes his own luck.
[Hidden Panel]
http://oi46.tinypic.com/1624qdc.jpg
Why not? I actually liked it.
haha Thanks.
Well, if they’re willing to count it, that’s awesome. But I thought they might not because I altered the last picture. Although I’m kinda hoping they appreciate my forward thinking in “doing [their] work.”
Oh, the title would obviously be “Double Sided Coin.”
Come to think of it, this is a better hidden panel than the one I had:
http://oi48.tinypic.com/fz0thj.jpg
Panel 1:
“Evolution is a theory like gravity!”
Panel 2:
“see.”
panel 3:
“YUM delicious floor!”
Alt Text: “Peanut butter flavored floor cleaner.”
Oh yeah
Hidden:
“I believe peanut butter tastes good.”
P1
Keith- How can you not remember Charlie drinking the fizzy lifting drink from Willy Wonka?! It’s the best part!
Andy- I dunno…maybe it just wasn’t that memorable
P2
Keith- Well? Remember now?
Andy- Nope
P3
Andy- Oh hey, are you doing Augustus now?
Alternate text- “Wait a minute, when did Charlie become a quadriplegic?”
Hidden- “This ground tastes like snozberries.”
Panel 1:
-Keith: I am telling you, it clearly says “LIGHT beer”!
-Andy: And I am telling YOU, science is NOT based on puns.
Panel 2:
-Keith: I wish you could see your face, right now. You look so stupid.
Panel 3:
[no speech]
Alt Text:
-Keith: I said, “LIGHT”; not “weightless”…
Hidden Comic:
not a bad brew… but it could use more hops…
P1:
– You know, this place needs to behave a little.
– Probably mad at you drinking all the beer.
P2:
– I mean, why are doors so high up ground? I can’t climb up there. Who designed this?
P3:
– Stupid wall.
Alt: Why are there furniture nailed to walls?
Hidden: Let go of me! Stop acting like a floor!
P1 – A: Keith, have you been drinking my beer again.
K: No! You know… You know what I hate about you Andy? Your testicles.
P2: K: Ooh, look at me, I’m Andy’s nuts. I’m just going to dangle in the air all day.
P3: (Blank)
Alt text: He’d look more concerned, but this happens so often that it’s almost routine now.
Hidden: I sure hope this happens to Andy’s testicles.
P1:
Right: Dude, you aren’t that drunk!
Left: Well, i don’t need a lot of booze to pass out!
P2:
Left: See, I’m passing out right NOW.
P3:
Empty
Hidden Commic:
Should have had more booze to be immune to pain.
Oh and Alt text:
YOU SHALL NOT PASS! OUT!
P1
Keith- You’re saying you needed a background check and 30 day wait to buy a chair?
Andy- And take a safety class. People get hurt everyday by chairs.
P2
Keith- My dad kept chairs in every room growing up and we never got hurt no matter how we sat.
P3
Andy- Looks like it’s going back in the safe.
Keith- In my defense it was the floor that hurt me.
Alt Text
“No, this absolutely isn’t a thinly veiled commentary on U.S. gun laws, guns have safetys”
Hidden comic
“This hole in my back isn’t from a gun shooting me, it’s from a bullet entering me.”
P1: (left) Hey Jones, that purple top makes you look like a fairy
P2: (left) Look at me, I’m Jones, and I’m a fairy!
P3: (left) NOOO, GRAVITY! (right) you forgot you’re in the physics department?
Hidden: Science will save your lives one day, unlike math
Alt: Be good to strangers and they might treat you!
P1: Keith: whoa, Andy, are you coming on to me?!?
Andy: wha? No you’re drunk.
P2: Do I look like a pretty lady to you?
P3:
Alt text: A flying pretty lady??
Hidden comic: Do I?
P1: I can too do a front flip.
Nope.
P2: Let me just use this chair as a spot!
Nope.
P3: Noooooooope.
Hidden Comic: Did I land it?
Alt text: Jumping not required
P1: Andy: Dude, you’re not drunk. Keith: Oh yeah?
P2: Keith: If I weren’t drunk would I do this?
P3: Keith: Ha! Idiot.
Alt: “And see? I totally can’t walk this perfectly straight line I just drew.”
Hidden: UPSIDE-DOWN KUNG FU MASTA
P1 Black guy: “So you think he wasted his wish on invisibility?!”
White guy: “Yeah, should’ve wished to be taller, you stupid midget!”
P2 White guy: “HEY! Put me down!”
P3 White guy: “Thanks.”
Hidden: “I have got to stop drinking so much turpentine!”
Alt: Piledriver!
P1. -You played with the gravity switch didn’t you? Didn’t you! *hic*
-Ummmmmm.
P2. Really funny buddy, just turn off the gravity switch, real mature. *hic*
P3. *hic* Is this what you wanted?
Hidden. I guess this is what the gravity switch wanted. *hic*
Alt text. Dude we, got rid of that thing weeks ago!
left – “Dude, I think you’ve had a few too many…”
right – “You can’t tell me what to do!”
right – “I’m so free I can break the laws of physics!”
right – “I meant to do that…”
alt – “I’m so fly I can fly. WOO!”
hidden – “…I think I broke my face too.”
P1
Jesus created the universe 6000 years ago and I can prove it!
P2
God didn’t create GRAVITY, therefore it doesn’t exist!
See? Only LOVE binds us together.
P3
I love you so much, Earth. Give me a kiss.
Alt
If anyone knows why this couple should not be bound by Gravity, let him speak now.
P1: left- “I’ve decided to become an anarchist. I’m sick of obeying all these ridiculous laws…like gravity!”
Right-“uh gravity? I’m pretty sure that’s…”
P2: left- “nothing but another oppressive tool of an authoritarian government? Damn right it is!”
P3: nothing
Hidden: “I wax political when I drink”
Alt: “D is for Dont Drink and Disobey”
P1:
Left: I Know You Joined The Dark Side! Don’t Deny It!
Right: (thinking) Ah Crap! What do I do?!
P2:
Left: Hurk!
P3:
Hidden: Now you know how Vader Really Started
P1
Keith: …so I took my sledgehammer and shot him. PEW PEW!
Andy: You’re not making any sense.
P2
Keith: Oh, really? How about now? Am I making enough sense now?
P3
Keith: Ha! I told you so!
Hidden: I’m making so much sense right now.
Alt: Don’t make sense and drive.
P1
Left guy:
I’m telling you, Hitchhiker’s Guide over Game of Thrones any day.
Right guy:
You’re crazy! Fantasy beats Scifi.
P2:
Fantasy!?! I’ll show you the power of scifi!
P3:
Crap… I forgot the towel.
Hidden Panel:
DAMN YOU SCIFI…
Alt version of Hidden Panel:
One day, fantasy… scifi will overcome.
Sorry… slight fix in the wording for maximum comedic value.
P1
Left guy:
I’m telling you, Hitchhiker’s Guide over Game of Thrones any day.
Right guy:
You’re crazy! Fantasy beats Scifi.
P2:
Fantasy!?! I’ll show you the power of… *SCIENCE FICTION!*
P3:
Crap… I forgot the towel.
Hidden Panel:
FRELL YOU SCIFI…
Alt version of Hidden Panel:
One day, fantasy… science fiction will overcome.
Panel 1.
Left guy: Screw that, you’ve got to show those ants whose boss
Right guy: Is that possible?
Panel 2.
Left guy: Observe
Panel 3.
Left guy: They say you look stupid
Hover.
However, they seem to loooove me
Hidden.
I think they’re racist
P1: Left “You can stand there like a JERK! I’m going to get comfortable!”
Right “That’s mean Bro.”
P2: Left “This is totally crushing my junk right now.”
Right “umm…”
P3: Left ” Ahh, that’s better.”
Hidden: “Sooo much comfort”
Alt: Look at all you JERKS, standing like idiots.
P1 – Left: Why can’t I just stop believing physics? Then I can just disobey gravity.
Right: Uhhhh…
P2 – Then I can just do this.
P3 – –
Hidden – Jesus bent chemistry to turn water into wine…
Alt: Now lets do some biology.
P1
Andy: …Why are you in my house?
Keith: Why are you breathing my air?
Andy: Wha-
P2
Keith: You ask some dumb fucking questions, you know. “Why did you piss on my parents?”, “why did you hold up that service station?”, “why are you planking my dining room chair?” Well, fuck you is why!
P3
(Blank)
Alt-Text
“Why? because fuck you is why!” was also the title of his political thesis.
Hidden
Keith: “Ambulance?” fuck your stupid questions!
P1: Dude Did you steal Wonka’s fizzy lifting drink again, I thought he told you next time he would call the police
Whatever dude he won’t miss one
P2: Besides it’s the new diet variety I couldn’t not steal some.
P3: *biff*
Hidden: Meh I just don’t get the same rush, like with the other one… could have been the giant fan though.
Alt: Half the calories, half the flight time
(Name = Comics new name)
Panel 1:
Andy: “It’s a law of human physics, drunk white men can’t jump.”
Keith: “Oh yeah!?!”
Panel 2:
Keith: “EE-eh”
Panel 3: (No text)
Alt text: “Any fail compilation videos = proof”
Hidden: “Hold on… Let me try it again.”
Slight edit
Alt text: “All fail compilation videos = proof”
P1: Guy on right – “I’m telling you, you’re not a half-ghost. You’re just drunk.”
Guy on left – “And I’m telling you, my mother swears my father was a ghost! That makes me half-ghost! Watch!”
P2: Guy on left – “See! Hovering! Half-ghost!”
P1
Left: Your penis…
Right: What about it?
P2
Left: I gave it Red Bull… to fly…
P3
*Left blank*
Hidden
I need what your penis is having…
P1: Left- You know what the cure to a hangover is?
Right- ?
P2: Left- More drinking. It helps balance you out.
P3: *Thud*
P1
Keith: *POKE* “Hey, what’s this?”
Andy: “Um… I think it’s time you knew. I have an invisible penis.”
P2
Andy: “Uh… sorry, I think it likes it when you poke it.”
Keith: “Eww, gross, I can feel its foreskin on my belly button.”
P3:
Andy: “Well, thanks, looks like you hurt its feelings.”
Hover Text: Any ladies out there into invisible penis foreskin?
Hidden: “I wonder if Andy’s gay.”
P1 – Left: Black people don’t have telekenetic powers!
Right: Yes we do. It’s in the 13th Amendment.
P2 – Blank
P3 – Left: I did not know that about your people.
Hidden: Arsenio Hall haircuts are back!
Alt: Lincoln was secretly a very tall midget.
Nice
P1: Here I’ll prove it. I am a BREAK
P2: DANCE
P3: CHAMPION
alt: I call this move “the faceplant”
hidden: (In a thought bubble) He is so served
P1: Seriously man Superman’s a pussy…Literally anyone can fly nowadays!
P2: See?!
P3: (leave blank)
Hidden: I hope the justice league didn’t see that…
Alt: Superwho? Nope never heard of him.
P1
Left – “Duuuude… Have you ever noticed you have no genitals?”
Right – “What?!”
P2
Left – “Hang onnnn… Lemme take a closer look…”
P3
Left – “See what I’m saying? Flat as a board!”
Alt – The pot calling the kettle flat.
Hidden – “Please get your nonexistent balls out of my face”
Panel 1:
Andy “Hey Keith, I think you should probably leave it at that. The landlord’s coming tomorrow and-”
Keith (interupting) “Whah? But I’m not even drunk AND HOLY CRAP THE FLOOR IS LAVA!”
Panel 2
Keith: “Hehe guess that mean’s you’re out. Man that was a close one…”
Panel 3
Keith: “My face, it burns!”
Alt text: Fictional lava accounts for 50% of all drunken injuries*
*50% of all drunken statistic are made up
Hidden comic “Tell the landlord to get rid of all these lava floors…”
**The Alt text should say ‘statistics’
I’m sorry if it’s similar to any pitch above but there are loads of them. I’d be happy to re-write or change anything if you want me to.
P1:
KEITH – Screw the table, anyone can do it!
ANDY – Uh oh, you’re drunk and angry at furniture again.
P2:
KEITH – See? Nearly two hundred bucks just to sit there!
P3:
ANDY – Yeah, but the table doesn’t have to balance on a chair. Or drink all my beer and fly into a rage at the humans.
ALT TEXT:
Not yet it doesn’t, anyway.
HIDDEN:
KEITH – RACIST! It’s a furniture conspiracy, the chair has sided with the table!!!
P1:
Andy: “I dont have a problem, you have a problem!. ‘Alcoholism’ is made up!”
P2:
Andy: “Just like that Pussy poltergeist you always talk about”
P3:
Keith: “I told you he doesn’t like to be called names”
Andy: “whatever, I still don’t drink too much”
Alt – ‘who you going to call?’….. hopefully A.A.
hidden – “ask it to hand me a beer, since you won’t”
alternative alternate: the ghost’s name is Dr. Bob”
(side note – Dr. Bob is the name of the guy who founded AA – he’s buried in my home town, beautiful sunny Akron Ohio!)
P1: right:Are you sure you should rent an apartment haunted by lesbian ghosts? left: Dude, the rent is sooooo cheap.
P2: left: And I get strap on action.
P3: left: And munch carpet.
Alt: Who doesn’t love lesbians??
Hidden: God this rug smells fishy.
P1:
KEITH – That movie was full of shit, there’s no way it went down like that!
ANDY – I dunno, seems like they did their research.
P2:
KEITH – The Titanic is floating along and hits the iceberg…
P3:
KEITH – And she sinks straight down, breaking up when she hits the bottom, not splitting in half!
ANDY – Your leg is still sticking out of the “water”.
ALT:
And the “Titanic was an inside job” conspiracy continues unabated for another 101 years.
HIDDEN:
KEITH – Jack’s entire story arc is wildly inaccurate and horribly convoluted. “King of the world” my ass.
“ERRBODY DO THE FLOP!”
*wham*
P1
Keith: This situation is completely contrived
Andy: How so?
P2
Well, my bizarre reaction is clearly supposed to be in response to your terrible haircut
P3
I somehow fell in a right angle
Alt Text
I am God
P1: Glasses guy: So that girl just walked away from our blinddate when she saw me.
Hair guy: That one from furriesfindingmates.com?
P2: Glasses guy: Apparently cats and birds don’t go together.
I didn’t chose furry life, furry life chose me
P1: L – I bet you wish you could get a piece of this ass.
R: Uh…No, I’m just coming in here to get breakfast.
P2: L – You’re thinking you could just balance me on the chair like this and have your way all because I’m a little drunk!
P2: L – Please don’t take advantage of me.
Hidden: This is how is career as a professional planker ended.
Alt: I bet this is the position you wanted me in all along!
Sorry, that last post should have had the ‘alt’ as ‘hidden text’. And the Alt text should be ‘What is alcohol anyway’
P1: Dude, just chill. You know what helps me in these situations? Yoga.
P2: You just need to center your chakra. Leaves you feeling calm and balanced.
P3:…
Alt: It didn’t balance my checkbook either.
Hidden: Perfect. Now to center my nose…
P1:
Keith: Dude I can totally have sex with this chair
Andy: You’re hammered bro
P2:
Andy: You got a fly on your back man let me swat that for you
P3:
Keith: Fuck you, Andy
Hidden:
Keith: Hey look a fly
Hover: Good friends are hard to find
P1 –
Black dude: You are too using the whole apartment! Where’s your half of the rent?
White dude: Nuh uh! I’m not using the floor!
P2 –
White dude: See? Now I don’t have to pa…
P3 –
WHUMP!
White dude: I’ll get my wallet…
Alt: I’ll bet Superman doesn’t have to put up with this crap.
1: This you. (Oh yeah?!)
2: This is you on booze. (errrnh)
3: Blank.
Hover: Any questions?
Hidden: Only 2 more classes and I’m a black belt yogi.
1: It may be small, but at least it’s not crooked!
2: Stupid crooked like this!!
3: Blank
Hover: It’s true what they say.
Hidden: Zzzz.
I think we should pretty much rule out any that involve being drunk (obvious and unfunny) or balancing on the chair (obviously in the background)
P1: Yeah right you dont have jedi powers you liar!
P2: oh look you can levitate me like a giiirrrl
P3:shit
ALT: slam drunk
Hidden: how long does this last?
1: I really don’t think you should’ve taken that haunted beer
Screw you man, if they want it back so bad they can take it
2. This could be any ghost!
3. *crash*
Hover: Maybe they tripped!
Hidden: Maybe they just want be to practice my yoga
1. You want to see something awesome?
2. Eeehm, okay?
Hey I bet I can get anyone and anything to do my work for me
-what about that chair?
See? I don’t even have to waste my energy standing up
P 1:
“There’s no such thing as a yoga chair, you’ve been ripped off!”
“Oh yeah?”
P 2:
“See, Downward facing dog”
P 3:
“Majestic Flamingo?”
Hidden:
Man yoga is tough
Alt:
Damn it
1:
(Dude w/beer) “You’re drinking if I’m drinking! That’s the room mate rule.”
(Dude without beer) “You need to lighten up man.”
2: Blank
3: (Dude w/beer) Umph!
(SCROLL OVER: Maybe it’s all the light beer)
P1: (right) Do not hurt your face.
P2: (left) No.
P3: (left) I am the boss of my fate.
Hidden: Right plants face into Left’s butt.
Alt: No, YOU don’t hurt my face!
1) Keith: “Here’s my impression of your mom’s tragic skydiving death”
2) Keith: “WHY?! I’f only I’d taken up some hobby marginally less stupid than skydiving!”
3) Keith: “Splat!” Andy: “Dude, way too soon”
Alt “Anyways, this funeral is boring, I’m outta here”
P1:
Right: Hey man, take it easy with the beer.
Left: Don’t tell me what to do. I’m a renegade!
P2:
Left: Look! The laws of physichs don’t even apply to me!
P3:
Left: OK, they got me again…
Hidden: Sooner or later
Alt: The physics police raided the place…
P1 “I’ll have you know: I come from a family of Olympic divers!”
P2 “Perfect…
P3 …Execution”
Hidden: My family always was ashamed of me
Alt: Adoption Happens
P1:
KEITH – They were such bullshit!
ANDY – What? They’re heroes of the modern age, don’t say that.
P2:
KEITH – “Look at me, I can fly an airplane my brother and I designed in our bicycle shop! We’re the best thing ever!”
P3:
KEITH – You and I both know this is how the Wright Brothers’ first plane ended up after only four flights that day!
ANDY – Another American legend crushed by the weight of their own hubris.
Alt Text:
Wilbur Wright was the first dangerously unqualified pilot – couldn’t even handle a gust of wind without duffing it.
Hidden:
KEITH – And you know Wilbur pissed his britches on that crash… just like this!
alternate Alt Text:
Wilbur Wright was America’s first dangerously unqualified pilot. History is written by the winners!
P1: Right guy: I’ve never really understood the expression, “to fall head over heels in love.”
Left guy: It’s pretty simple.
P2: Left guy: Like
P3: Left guy: This.
Alt: Actually this might be the expression “broken nose and spine in love.”
Secret comic: This is also kind of a standing ovation, but the other way around.
(in a russian accent)
P1
L: huh huh huh huh I am saying funny comment
R: I am making witty response huh huh huh
P2
L: look at me I am on chair. I am true man
R: look at me I am looking at man on chair
P3
L: MY FACE IS IN GROUND
R: look at man with face on the ground, I am now making a joke hahahaha
P1 Guy on left: Look, my religion says that evolution is just a theory, like gravity.
Guy on right: a scientific theory just means that…
P2 Guy on left: See?
P3 Guy on right: This is why you have no friends…
Hidden text: this is why you shouldn’t drink and talk about religion or politics.
Alt comic: no… I have no friends because I tried to prove the assassination of Kennedy was a theory to my last one.
P1:
L: We’re supposed to do the show in two days!
R: Dude, I believe you can do it, Ok? You don’t have to-
L: You won’t show me the lifts, I’m not sure of the turns…
P2: L [singing]: I haaaad the time of my-
p3: L [groaning]: liiiiife…
Hidden: I carried a watermelon!
Alt: Nobody puts Baby in a corner
P1: Andy: Dude, lay down the bottle.
P2: Keith: You’re just mad because I’ve ascended to higher existence
P3: Keith: Revel in my glory.
Alt: REVEL
Hidden: My hubris cost me my dearest friend. My story shall be a fable for future generations. I’m hammered.
P1. Blank.
P2. Blank.
P3. MY GOD, IVE BECOME MY FATHER.
Hidden. Plus his bowl is mostly cheap bourbon.
Alt text. The SIN Of Long Load Times
P1:
Second guy: I’ve already told you: gravity is not on strike.
First guy: pff..yes, right!
P2: No strike you said?
P3: Thud.
alt. Newton is a bitch
hidden: Call 911
P1: you really think an ‘elixir’ will stop the ghosts from raping you?
P2: Do you have a better idea?
P3: Holy fuck, He’s bought his friends!
alt: not the tenessee log jammer!
hidden: Ghosts need love too. awful, awful love
Prt 1: Keith”andy rosters cant fly.”
Andy”bullshit, they can fly. here let me show you”
prt2: Andy”baaaaback!!!”
prt3: Keith”and much like rosters, Dicks cannot fly as well”
P1:
Andy: “I just read online that this levitation potion has some dangerous side effects.”
Keith: “So what, I’ll have an upset stomach or diarrhea?”
P2:
Keith: “What side effect could possibly make levitation any less awesome?”
P3:
Andy: “Narcolepsy”
Hidden:
Keith: “ZZZZzzzzzz…… Worth it…. ZZZZZzzzz….”
P1: Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
P2:Watch me crank that soulja boy
Then super man that hoe
P3:Now wa—-
Hidden: Wait you’re not Souja Boy?!
There is no thing as a ‘first’ anual something. It can not be anual if it hasn’t been a year since the last time this event took place.
Congratulations!
Wel don nitpicker
it’s still annual if they do it again next year. annual just means yearly so the first annual is the first year they start doing it. I think you just like feeling smart for insignificant reasons.
misspelled hate wins!
P1)
Guy on the right: It’s not safe to use carbonic machines on carbonated beverages
Guy on the left: Yeah?! I love my beer extra carbonated
P2)
See, I’m not flying away. Just levetating. Like my alcoholic state of mind
P3)
EMPTY
Hidden
I shouldn’t have farted mid air.
Alt text.
Never ever carbonate carbonated beverages.
P1: Andy: Dude, no you can’t! You’re just drunk.
P1: Keith: No I’m not, and I’ll prove it to you!
P2: Keith: See? I do have latent psychic powers!
P3: Keith: …I didn’t fall. I’m just drunk.
Alt: Sometimes its hard to tell the difference.
Hidden: Hmm… why does the floor taste like despair?
P1. Left: So I said yea I’ll show you REAL planking!
P2. Left: Check THIS out!
P3. Right: I think you have to be on top of something not just in front of it.
Alt: Not available in 3D
Hidden: I knew I should have gotten glasses that actually helped my vision. These ones just looked so damn HIP.
P1-
Glasses: “This beer is warm. Don’t you even have a fridge?”
Flat Top: “Yes, but this is YOUR house. I brought the beer assuming YOU had one”
P2-
Glasses: “Oh look at Mr. Assume over here! And I suppose you ASSUME that I can’t balance on this chair using my sternum”
P3-
Glasses: “mrphm hrmph”
Hidden-
Flat Top: Alright, I’m not going to assume your neck is broken and I’ll just leave. See ya.
Alt text- “When you assume it makes an ASS out of mrphm and hrmph”
Alternate Hidden-
Glasses: “I refuse to make any assumptions, but it’s possible that I’m missing several teeth.”
P1: R: I don’t know man, maybe you should quit drinking. You’re starting to become a little unbalanced.
P2: L: Unbalanced?! I’ll show you some fucking BALANCE!
P3: *no text*
P1:
Andy: Did you take the last beer?
Keith: Your subjective perception of reality limits your potential for any possible understanding of real truth!
P2:
Keith: FEEL YOUR MIND MELT AWAY INTO NOTHINGNESS AS I LEVITATE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES; OBLITERATING YOUR FEEBLE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS WORLD BY DEMONSTRATING THE TRUE INCOMPREHENSIBILITY OF THE UNIVERSE!
P3:
Keith: Sorry, I’ll go buy some more…
Alt Txt:
“Money is an illusion forced onto the foolish ignorant masses by a powerful and corrupt few, but if you want that beer then I need you to spot me a twenty.”
Hidden Panel:
Keith: Also, everything’s gone black and white. I may have a concussion.
Andy: I don’t think that’s a good idea
keith: Trust me, whale impressions come naturally to us Barbledecks.
Keith: Up we go!
Keith:
Hover: Mama taught me well.
Hidden: *whale sound* (I’m not sure how to type whale sounds :o)
P1:
Keith: Im tired of everybody saying batman is cooler then superman!
Andy: uh?
P2:
Keith: Like, Batman cant even fl….
P3: *blank*
alt. text
Keith: …floors are my kryptonite…
Hidden panel
Keith: Holy hell! I must be Batman!
P1: I’ll prove to you that planking is still cool!
P2 and P3: blank
Hidden: I decided to go a new route and invent “faceplanting”
P1: Behold! I can levitate through the power of angry drinking.
P2: This is beyond awesome. I love you man.
P3: *splat*
alt text: Anything is possible with alcoholic rage
Hidden text: I can balance on my face indefinitely through the power of regret.
P1:
ANDY – Oh no, Keith’s having a seizure!
P2:
KEITH – Fplrbt
P3:
ANDY – How am I going to put my wallet in your mouth now?
HIDDEN:
KEITH – I already ate your wallet.
ALT:
Seizures are like being tasered by God.
P1
1990s hair black dude: You killed a midget prostitute?
70s style white guy: Hey! Like I told the judge, she killed herself.
P2
70s style white guy: I just wanted a “Canadian mudslide” and a little “slippery Russian pancake”
P3
70s style white guy:
and..BAM! She never saw the other donkey coming.
Hidden Panel
Doesn’t matter..still had SEX!
Alt Text: That’s right… he said “other” Donkey.
P1-
Keith: You know, I could’ve been an Olympic swimmer.
Andy: You’re drunk.
P2-
Keith: “Here comes Keith, eyeing the quintuple super front stomp. ”
Andy: That’s not a thing.
P3-
Andy: Alright, then. I withdraw my previous statement.
Keith: “The crowd goes! …..Unconscious.”
Text: The beer didn’t spill! It’s not a party foul!
Hidden comic: To the Special Olympics, then.
…or
P1:
Keith: I think I ate my bottle cap. I’m probably choking now.
Andy: You’re talking, dude. You’re fine.
P2:
Keith: No, I’m definitely choking. Is this how to do the Heimlich?
Andy: Um…
P3:
Keith: Now I probably just died from a head injury.
Text: That beer was non-alcoholic…
Hidden comic: I’m haunting you for sure.
P1: Andy: man, you should stop drinking, you are even using that chair to stand up
Keith: Wrong, I use it for balance
Andy: Can’t see the difference
P2: Keith: Can you see it now?
P3: Keith: Didn’t fall, just using face for balance
Hidden: I think i need another beer
P1: Andy: Man, that’s your fourth beer this morning, I think you are kinda falling down…
Keith: Oh, so you are one of those sissies who think that falling down is easy, huh?
P2: Well sir, I’m gonna prove you wrong! In order to fall down you first need to climb up, see how happy I look right now, SEE?!?
P3: Only THEN you can dissapoint every-goddamn-one by falling down. Now, feel pity for me!
ALT: “Falling down is a freaking lifestyle!”
Hidden Panel: You must be feeling so stupid right now…
I had NO idea there were hidden comics and I’ve read this ENTIRE site
P1: Andy: I don’t believe you.
Keith: Oh ya, I’ll prove it!
P2: Intentionally left blank
P3: Andy: I guess you are a divining rod for stupidity.
Keith: Told ya.
Roll Over Text: Also for gravity and shame.
Hidden Panel: Take me to Congress. I wanna settle a bet.
P1: Screw you, Man! Voldemort is a really scary Name!
P2: Look! A chair coming out of my stomach! What could be scarier than this?
P3:
ALT : The birth of a legend.
Hidden Panel:
8th Horcrux!
P1:
Andy: Dude that wasn’t pixie dust that was pcp.
Keith: No way, Tinkerbell said it was legit.
P2:
Keith: See, I bet you feel real….
P3:
Keith:……now that you mention it, she may have said angel dust.
Hidden:
Andy: Sooooo hospital?
Keith: Hospital….
Alt:
Keith: At least i didn’t spill my Captain Hook.
Andy: Morgan….
Keith: Won’t you let me have any fun.
P1
Keith: Just grab a drink
Andy: My wife died today
Keith: Stop moping around and enjoy yourself
P2
Keith: Balance your life with fun so you don’t feel like shit when you wake up tomorrow
P3
(empty)
Alt
“I guess you’re right”
Hidden
Waking up in the hospital rocks!
P1
(Keith): What’s up with your penis, man? It’s all flat right there.
(Andy): What? No, it’s not.
p2
(Keith): Let me take a better look
p3
Blank
Alt. Text: Flat face
Hidden:
(Keith): Forgot. Feet. Ground.
P1
Andy: Man, I’m sorry. Mom said if you set foot in our house again while drunk I’m not allowed to invite you anymore.
Keith: Yeah? Well, I guess there’s a tiny little flaw in your mom’s plan!
P2
Keith: See? I don’t need feet to be in your house!
P3:
Keith: Still no feet on the ground!
HIDDEN
The training session for the big dance contest was off to a bad start.
ALT
Keith: Wow, your floor smells like lavender. Congrats to your mom!
Oops, HIDDEN and ALT should be swapped.
P1- Keith: You know what’s wrong with the youth today?
The internet!
P2- Keith:They post stuff like “Oh look at me Ima douch planking on a chair. I so cool.” Well its not cool.
Dis regard above accidentally sent unfinished!
P1- Keith: You know what’s wrong with the youth today?
Andy: Educa-
Keith: The internet!
P2- Keith:They post stuff like “Oh look at me I’m a douche planking on a chair. I so cool.” Well its not cool!
P3 – Keith: See it doesn’t even work cuz its the internet…
Alt: Black people
Hidden: CockelShit!
P1
Andy: Your drinking has become a really ugly habit.
Keith: Yeah? YOUR MOM has become a really ugly habit, BURN!
P2
Keith: I burned you so hard, the floor is practically lava by now.
P3
Keith: I think my face is melting.
HIDDEN
Like your mom’s did! BURNED AGAIN!
ALT
Keith: Quick! Say something cool so the floor turns normal again!
HIDDEN and ALT should be swapped here, too. Sorry.
P1
Keith: Has anyone every told you your feet are really small
Andy: Fuck feet, who needs ’em?
p2
Andy: See
P3
*Blank
Hidden
Andy: Fuck teeth
Caption
You know what they say about men with small feet
P1: This soda should be recalled, everytime I drink this crap my foot gets light-headed.
P2: Can you record this to send to the FDA? Im doing this once.
P3: Every time.
alt: Mr. Lighter than air.
P1
Char 1: Reallly? You don’t drink? Check out the amazing super powers it gives me
Char 2: uh k…
P2
Char 1: WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA bitch
P3
Char 2: Tough luck Weasley.
Hidden: “Face-repairo!”
Alt: Too bad winning this isn’t going to win me money. Psh, some incentive.
P1:
Drunk Guy: Jdi, jdi, Jdi ya hear about the girl who says she can see colors in listening to music? Who does she think she is, Jesus?
P2:
Drunk Guy: I bet I can float like that too! See!
One more can’t hurt.
P1
Right: So, apparently, my penis went self-conscious. And telekinetic.
Left: And evil! We should just castrate it now while–
P2
*whoosh*
L: Oh, I’m sorry, “Little Guy”! Did I hit a nerve? Well, at least I’m hitting something, you little bastar–
P3
*whoosh*
*thud*
Alt: You see, that’s why I opposed to fucking that toxic waste canister.
Hidden: He’s such a dick. *rimshot* I’ll be here all night.
P1:
L – Dude, you’re just drunk now.
R – That’s besides the point!
P2:
R – If evolution were real, I should be able to fly by “adapting” myself.
P3:
blank
——
Alt:
And don’t even get me started on global warming!
——
Hover:
Q.E.D
P1
(Keith) …Look I told you, if you ever wanted head from me again you’ld have to….
P2
(Keith) hurr
P3
(Keith) wax your downstairs…..
Hidden: Oh, lucky you. All my teeth are knocked out.
Alt: HI MA, I’m on A.S.P! (suck it losers)
Last I checked it was ‘annual’?
Is no one else bothered that “annual” is spelled wrong in the winning comic?
The contest inadvertent contest winner spelled it that way.
How the shit did that one won?, the runner ups were leaps better :/
how the hell do you find hidden comics in this place?
By dying.
My name is funnier than the winner.
P1
L: I can’t believe Toby killed himself
R: I know, what even happened?
P2
L: He tried to balance on a chair like this
R: What, and just fell off onto his face?
P3
L: …Yes.
Hover: 85% of accidents occur in the home, 100% of these are stupid.
Hidden: Call a doctor.