Boring Jason

by Wes & Tony on June 5, 2013 at 5:00 am

As Alice in Chains once said, “I’m the man in the box.” Of course, that was probably, like, a figurative box. A box of the mind! A transcendent, lyrical box. True story about Alice in Chains: as a high school junior, my English teacher (my HONORS English teacher, because I have a big ol’ smart guy brain, ya dummies!) was a 70-something mean, Irish priest. No goofin’! He threw books around and yelled a lot. Sometimes he would yell until his old man eyes would cry. But one day the guy sulked into class, rubbing his tired old man eyes. He sat down, took a deep breath, and whispered, “Today… Layne Staley of the rock and roll group Alice in Chains died of a drug overdose.” That was the most I ever learned in that classroom, all at once. First, that Alice in Chains was still around, second that their singer had (until recently) still been alive, and then that he had just died! As a matter of fact, I think I only know Layne Staley’s name because of that day. To be fair, though, my teacher did call him Layne “Stanley” at first. So I guess he wasn’t a True Fan. He was a poser. The box he was trapped in… was vanity.

-Tony