Scare the Fish

by Wes & Tony on August 25, 2014 at 6:00 am

Hey friends! Worried about DEATH? More specifically, are you worried that you’ll die without making a real impact on human culture, the memory of your existence quickly fading like the light on your laptop’s power supply after it’s been unplugged (how’s THAT for a modern simile)? So here are a few TIPS to ensure that your life will echo through the ages:

FOUND A NATION OF CLONES
Nothing helps someone REMEMBER you better than BEING you. With just a touch of science and an unclaimed island, you can build a utopia in your own literal image. Everyone will look like you, talk like you, and think like you. Plus you’ll save billions on infrastructure by being able to print the same driver’s license over and over again.

BUILD A STATUE IN SPACE
You might look up at the moon and see it as a giant cluster of space dust collected by happenstance. But it’s also a BLANK CANVAS. With the simple application of a homemade rocket ship and a whole bunch of dynamite, you can turn that boring ol’ pockmarked sphere into a gigantic bust of your head. Your eerie smile and vacant eyes will haunt children for all eternity.

INVENT A FARM ANIMAL
Great philanthropists get the best legacies, and feeding the world is the perfect way to give yourself a leg up on being remembered forever. As an extension of your clone lab, build the perfect food animal: torso of a pig, butt of a cow, and covered in chicken legs. The final touch: YOUR FACE. Sure it might not be easy on the eyes but the horrible sight of the Miracle Animal will just make you harder to forget.

wes