You’re all familiar with the smash hit classic toys out there, even if you had no clue how to use them. I had marbles and jacks growing up, but I have never played either games properly. Closest I ever got was gouging my foot on jacks by stepping on them, or breaking the glass on the coffee table by throwing marbles in the air to see if I could catch them (I could not).
But beyond Etch-a-Sketches, Rubik’s Cubes, and Mr Potato Heads, here are a few classic toys you might have missed that are totally real and I didn’t make up:
My First Bear Mace
It’s good to teach kids about the practicalities of safe hiking, but selling cute little canisters of wildlife-grade pepper spray was probably a mistake. Though when kids inevitably blinded themselves, it did teach them the dangers associated with being a bear.
Barbie with Real Human Hair
Okay this is a strange one. Not that there’s anything necessarily wrong with Barbie having real human hair, but it was the fact it was all over the promotional materials. “Barbie with Real Human Hair Plays Tennis.” “Barbie with Real Human Hair Custom Convertible.” “Barbie with Real Human Hair and her Cabin Made From Real Human Bones.”
A Puppy
This is perhaps the weirdest thing to get a kid. For a while you could buy a small animal separated from its mother and raise it like another child. Then, over the course of more than a decade, you can watch this toy grow old and die in front of you. Realistic, sure, but also super morbid. I’m not sure if they still make these but I’d be surprised if they did.
And that’s just a glimpse of the odd things we buy for children. At least before all toys were replaced by iPads.
wes
I think GI JOE’s with real human blood were only available in Japan for a limited time.
Oh god, I had marbles and had no idea what to do with them too
and while i KNEW what to do with POGs and Pokémon cards, I still never actually played more than a single digit number of times.
Then I bought some Crazy Bones. even the instructions didn’t give me a hint as tow hat to do.
iPads are keeping the tradition going. My kid’s iSkin is 100% authentic human.
I miss the Nerf guns that fired salt rock shells. I also wish they still sold the Popeye chewing tobacco. I have fond memories of putting some Popeye chaw in my lower lip and having a good old salt rock gun fight with some good friends. We’d come home before dusk covered in blood and excruciating wounds, our teeth a healthy brown, and mom waiting on the porch horrified by the sight of us and wanting to rush us to the hospital. Good times.
You sir win the comments section.
Not to mention real bows and arrows and BB guns – we would “play” all day until inevitably we had to be taken home with arrow and pellet wounds (or broken ribs from having fallen out of a tree). Yes, good times, good times…
Genius!