Gimmicky 90s Movies for the Tech Age
on July 14, 2009 at 1:00 amI just came back from a Blockbuster Video from an alternate dimension, where the 1990s movie trends didn’t hit until 15 years later. Here’s the fallout from that dark reality:
Friend Request
A Facebook spambot invades your account, changes your password, and solicits all of your friends! What do you do? If you are Billy Divine (Cuba Gooding Jr.), you keep your promises! The dispassionate and unreachable Facebook support staff refuses to help, so Billy goes out to keep every promise the robot made to his 600 friends! After finally enlarging the penis of an old sailing club teammate and giving a free ipod to a distant cousin, he and his 600 friends storm Facebook headquarters and demand the head of Mark Zuckerberg. Fucking wacky!
Squat and Drop
Vince Petrosi (Jean-Claude Van Damme) runs Poonography.com, a successful online hardcore sex chatting service. But after getting snowed in for a week in a ski lodge, his domain registration expires and it gets scooped up by some cyber-squatters! They ransom his domain, but Petrosi goes on an action-packed quest to northern Russia to get back what’s his! (Alan Rickman plays every character with an accent)
The Spam Man
After upsetting the wrong genie (Dan Aykroyd) by squashing his lamp with a basketball, ordinary accountant Frank (Jim Carrey) gets his life turned on its ear when the vindictive genie makes all of Frank’s spam emails come true! At first he is flooded with free amoxicillin, herbal supplements, and ladies ready to “blowjob him,” but he has a change of heart when he finds out he’s a Nigerian Prince and needs to create a better world for his people.
LOLfrat
It’s a frat house full of LOLcats. Bring your kids. They’ll eat that shit up.
LOLfrat…write a screen play for Disney. You know they’d take that to the top! 😛
oh no, you gotta give it to pixar. lolcats in 3d. and they’ll precede the movie with a short about demotivational posters
Friend Request and The Spam Man would actually be hilarious movies if made right..
…oddly enough LOLfrat is the name of the only fraternity at my school…of which I am a founding member.
I am in tears. You hit the nail on the head with every single one of these. I’m so freaking impressed. Hahaha. Keep up the great work.
My friend would watch Squat and Drop if only for her insatiable love for Alan Rickman. No joke.
the jim carry one sounds awsome like im excited i want it to come out
Yeah, I would probably see the Jim Carrey one too, Dan Aykroyd would make a good evil genie. I would hope to perhaps see Kate Winslet too playing some kind of kooky character, perhaps an occultist.