Top 8 Things I Would Hate to be Impaled By
on February 26, 2009 at 1:19 am8. Rhino Horn
Because at least you still have company despite the stabbing.
7. My Own Sword
This is a toss-up, because it could be a result of great chivalry or great clumsiness.
6. Huge Icicle
If the forensics team doesn’t get there in time they would just have to list the cause of death as the mysterious “hole-itis”
5. A Live Eel
There’s nothing quite like getting impaled by a wriggling sentient phallus.
4. Pointy Stick While Skiing
It was seeing this that spawned the list. The worst part would be watching everyone passing by, still having a good time, with no kabob through their abdomen.
3. Two Narwhals
Unicorns turned into real jerks when they got chased into the ocean. Plus there are TWO of them.
2. Carrot in the Eye
COMPLETE OPPOSITE USUAL PURPOSE
1. The Iwo Jima Memorial
Because it's unsettling to imagine five dudes that hate you enough to team up to stab you.
The carrot thing reminds me of the movie “Shoot ‘Em Up”. If a videogame and a comic book and had a movie for a baby, that would be it. Killing people with veggies and cutting umbilical chords with bullets.
The carrot thing happens in the movie “Shoot ‘Em Up”. If a FPS and a comic book had a one night stand this movie would be result. Killing with veggies and cutting umbilical cords with bullets, it seems like instead of a plot the writers just said “let’s figure out as many crazy gunfights we can possibly think of and call it a movie.”
Al, I don’t see why you had to copy off of Anonymous’ paper. I’ll see you after class, mister.
what about a Walrus? i think that’s worse than a rhino because now you have a big smelly walrus poking at you.
Scissors. While not running. All of the pain, none of the fun. 🙁
Addition to the list: Lexxington Steele’s manhood. (google him if you must know how truly big it is)
The purple shirted eye stabber…
Oh God, is it cheating to reference a rival web comic? Am i going to hell?
We don’t have “rivals,” here.
BECAUSE WE DA BEST
😐
Undiesclawfoot:
To your first question: No.
To your second question: Yes.
A stake in the heart, not because I’m a vampire or anything, just because it would really, really suck. [oho pun not intended]
Totally agree about Iwo Jima … it’d be especially bad if five MARINES teamed up to stab you, because they just might be organized enough to pull it off
Ok, bear with me here while I hypothesize this situation: You’re in the midst of taking a HUGE crap, but say an earthquake or something else startles you and all of a sudden your huge turd shoots right back into you, but at an awkward angle, thus perforating your colon. Can you add that to the list?
There was a guy in elementary school who stabbed his own forehead with a pencil.
The moral: Don’t go to school so you won’t get stabbed in the forehead.
what is ASP’s stance on the legalization of marijuana? should we stick it to those mexican drug cartels and legalize it? blaze up bitches! keep up the good work.
we’d hate to get stabbed by marijuana.
Fun fact: Carrots aren’t that great for improving your eyesight, and certainly not learning to see in the dark. That was something the British made up to cover the fact that they had radars to see enemy airplanes in the dark.
can i has narwhal?
I would hate to be impaled by the physical manifestation of an abstract noun.
amake, your name reminds me of bukakke, which is not a bad thing.
Thor: I would be more apathetic if I weren’t so lethargic.