Personal Flight Tube
on April 14, 2009 at 10:15 amLately, I’ve been flying on more planes than I usually do, and because I’m not a huge fan of selling my kidneys to pay for a single trip, I’ve been taking overnight flights. This usually places me in a situation of trying to sleep in a plane, which for most people is like attempting to run a marathon with one leg. And the person behind you is constantly kicking your leg. Also, the leg has mediocre beverage service.
Here is the solution: Exchange most of the seating on the plane for sleeping tubes. Already the Japanese are using something similar for inexpensive hotels, and it has been featured in the movie the “Fifth Element.” If we shrink that system and stick it in a real plane, we’ll see a host of benefits.
First, and most importantly, you’ll be able to sleep. Even if you are taking a daytime flight, lying down and relaxing would still be wonderful. And if you have been traveling all day, you certainly could use a nap. Also, if you are wide awake because one of the condoms full of cocaine burst in your stomach, then you can watch a movie or a TV show on the monitor installed on the ceiling above you.
With narrow tubes arranged in a matrix with an aisle in the middle, we’d be able to fit more people in the plane because we’d be able to use more vertical space, which means more seating on a given flight.
Imagine this but smaller and faster.
Granted there are some concerns. The first is being able to use a laptop. I imagine there would be some regular seating at the front of the plane for the chronic businessperson who insists on working during the flight. Most of the plane, however, would be tubes.
Also, there is a legitimate concern of people doing the horizontal no-pants dance in the tubes. While I personally don’t have a problem with this (as long as the tubes can be easily hosed out), we could solve that by making the door on the tube made out of clear plexiglass.
More of our problems should be solved by sticking them into tubes.
So, you’ve just described exactly what planes look like in the movie “Fifth Element”
I agree completely, don’t get me wrong, I would much rather sleep in a tube during my flight. Although I’m sure those pesky claustrophobic people will complain.
Josh,
Oh yeeeaaaah. I forgot about that part in the movie. I figured that someone had suggested something like this at some point before. I added a link to that in the post. This also means I should watch Fifth Element again, since it has been a while and it’s the only instance where casting Chris Tucker was a good idea.
Besides, we do have a Leeloo slug
What is a plane but a giant tube anyway?
Its been considered before; I think I read about it in popular mechanics in the early 2000s. Great until a plane hits turbulence or (worst case scenario) crashes.
If you get into some violent turbulence you need to be strapped in lest you get thrown up into a very close ceiling. Think about the harnesses involved there. It would be like being strapped into a hospital bed. Most people would need help getting that done.
In a crash evacuation would be bedlam; think about how chaotic de-planing is as is. People would need to unstrap themselves, crawl out of the tubes (with people crawling out above/below them) and get to exits. I know most elderly people would be stuck in their “death tubes” due to a lack of mobility.
Because I AM being a killjoy (sorry) I will finish up with this gem. You know that rotund man you are always stuck sitting beside who rolls 1/2 way into your steat? Yeah, think about the physical comedy of him getting into his own little tube.
Comedy gold.
what kind of claustrophobic person would be uncomfortable with a large tube they can roll around with but perfectly fine being strapped into a plane seat?
what would happen in a crash?
i guess everyone dies in a crash anyway, but it seems like it would be worse if you were in a tube.
i suggest we start strapping passengers to rockets and firing them to their destination. speedy transport. revitalizes the old spirit of kamikaze. effective means of erasing the lower class.
TUBE STEAK SAUSAGE SALE GOING ON NOW NOW NOW
EXTRA BEEFY TUBE STEAK READY FOR YOU, ROLL AROUND IN DELICIOUS FLAVOR AND LET IT CRASH INTO YOUR ARTERIES
STRAP YOURSELF DOWN FOR SOME DELICIOUS BRAT AND PREPARE FOR THE FIERY FLAVOR EXPLOSION THAT WILL LEAVE YOUR FAMILY DEAD AND LEAVE YOU SAYING “WOW”
the return of the SPAMBOT is a triumphant one.
“wow” indeed!
One word.
Fat People.
No, 5′ 1″, 467 lbs, is getting in one of those things.
One word.
Fat People.
Two words.
Lawsuit.
if you just have the tubes facing so that a person’s legs are towards the front of the plane, then you are less likely to die and stuff
at least i think. the world record holder for farthest fall survived landed legs first, and just can’t use them ever again. and also if someone is too big to fit in a tube then they are at risk of a pulmonary embolism thing with the blood clots in their body so they shouldn’t be allowed on planes for their own safety. lose weight. fattys.
Confused, the phrase “death tubes” may possible be the most amazing phrase to ever be uttered… er, typed.
That is my new answer to everything.
“What’s the best way to die?”
“Death tubes.”
“What should we name our band?”
“Death Tubes.”
“What are you getting Aunt Mabel for her birthday?”
“DEATH TUBES.”
Aunt Mabel is lucky.
For crashes, the answer is easy. Each tube can be ejected from the plane, mid-flight, with it’s own parachute and things to make it float in water. put padding/airbags on the inside all the walls, and it might actually *reduce* airplane fatalities.
And I’m sure there’s a “Series of tubes” joke in there somewhere that no-one has made.
Imagine if there had been a plane crash and the tubes had ejected! Imagine if this had happened over Italy, tubes stuck in the ground everywhere. It would be like a giant flaming wreckage version of Super Mario!
WOW!!!
Aunt Mabel is the perfect name for a brand of waffles.
Mr Pasty, you have reformed me. This needs to be done!
With the vision of some… “super” mario land, I suggest we pool our resources and make “death tubes” a reality.
Although it is a tad bit morose to think that when some poor pulmber comes along and tries to ride a tube down into some “underground world” he won’t find coins and mushrooms… just a corpse and the ability to steal money from it.
And we shall call it Super Mario Gravediggerland! The only way to acomplish the ultimate goal and finish said (twisted yet reasuringly fun) game, you must collect the cabin crew’s keys and unlock the crumpled charred remains of the cockpit to steal the captain’s hat!
Have I gone too far????
Sir, you wound me. Asking if you’ve gone too far implies such a thing is impossible. We live on a sphere, not a plane. If you ‘go too far’ you simply have not gone far enough on the next lap.
Espn, you have put it so eloquently where I could not. Cheers to you and your meschivious ways!
And by ‘impossible’ I meant ‘possible.’ Gotta love those typos completely changing your meaning…